Q for married/engaged people

[Ana Dragule]

How did the experience of dating your spouse differ from dating someone you did not end up deciding was the one?

[KingsGambit]

I didn't have a whole lot of "serious" romantic relationships before my wife, but one thing that set everything a part was a complete feeling of security and trust. I didn't have to live every minute on the edge or out of fear something would go wrong. When the inevitable problems would rise, I knew we could and would work through them. It was something I had never experienced before.

[Catholicity]

And to point out a different experience:
the whole time I was with my ex-spouse I could not trust him;even during the so called "reasonable" experience I constantly had to baby and take care of him, and listen to everything he said, wanted and thought of. Later It was consistently one-sided and while he reciprocated affection it was constantly attached to some kind of manipulative factor. I had external fears, pressures, I felt compelled and forced to do everything I was told to do, and it was horrible. There was a lot of and "you will do this or else...." I had not say so in the relationship.


Prior to my 2nd marriage it was equal we had mutual respect for one another, and a lot of love. We could ask each other for our needs/wants to be met and know that it was going to happen, even if we had to talk it through and it would be tough. We can trust each other completely. No matter how afraid I am or he is/was, we do not and did not berate each other and its hard and was hard but we have worked to see the other's perspective.

[Cow Poke]

How did the experience of dating your spouse differ from dating someone you did not end up deciding was the one?

I thought she was an interesting girl. She worked at the place where I worked -- she was a blueprint machine operator, and I was a technical writer. I asked her to lunch a couple of times within walking distance from where we worked.

The first time I went to her house to pick her up for a date, she wanted to show me her back yard. While we were standing on her back porch, I asked her about her faith situation, and it turns out she had been attending a Lutheran Church, but had never accepted Christ as Savior. I explained to her what that entailed, and asked her to think about it.

The next Sunday, I picked her up for Church, and she accepted Jesus as Savior.

[foudroyant]

you have a lot of questions about marriage and stuff.
you getting hitched soon?

[robrecht]

The biggest difference for my wife and me was a growing emotional attachment that just felt different than previous relationships I had.

[Cow Poke]

Oh, and when my Mom met my soon-to-be wife, she (my Mom) said of my soon-to-be wife "That's the one".

'nuff said!

[phat8594]

There were many things that were different.

But one the one's that was interesting was that during previous relationships, although we had talked about marriage, I actually had anxiety about actually getting married to those people. In other words, I was fine talking about it, as long as marriage was in the distant future -- but the idea of getting married to those people at that time somewhat freaked me out.


On the other hand, with my wife, I was sincerely excited to get married to her. I had absolutely ZERO reservations.

[Bill the Cat]

How did the experience of dating your spouse differ from dating someone you did not end up deciding was the one?

I've been married twice and engaged three times. I always gave 100% to the relationships I was in. It honestly wasn't that much different, except for my current wife. Unlike the other two, she and I were friends for years before we ever dated, so the foundation was much more solid. And it has lasted for 22 years, so I think we did something right!