Jokes

[rogue06]

Two whales walk into a bar.

The first one says, "Eooooohaummmuuuuuuoooooooaaauuuuuu."

The second one says, "Frank, what is wrong with you?

[Jedidiah]

"Doctor to patient, "Your cough sounds much better today."

Patient to coctor, "It should, I was up all night practicing.

[Zymologist]

Who was the fattest knight in the kingdom?

Sir Cumference



Which knight ate the most beef?

Sir Loin

[Bill the Cat]

Guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm.

Bartender says "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here!"

Guy says "Oh, no sir. This dog is special! He talks!"

Bartender says "Yeah right... let's see about that"

Guy looks at the dog and says "Butch... how does my face feel when I don't shave?"

Dog answers... "Ruff!"

Guy asks the dog "Butch, what is on top of a doghouse?"

Dog answers "Roof"

Guy asks the dog "Butch, who was the Yankee Clipper?"

Dog answers "Roof"

The bartender finally had enough and kicks the guy and the dog out of the bar.

The dog looks up at the owner and says "What? Was it DiMaggio?"

[KingsGambit]

Did you hear about the man who tried to sue the airport for misplacing his luggage?

He lost his case.

[rogue06]

Two blondes walked into a building the other day ... you would have thought that at least one of them would have seen it!

[rogue06]

Why did the Mexican put hot sauce on his taco?

Por flavor

[rogue06]

I recently broke up with my blind girlfriend. She didn't see it coming.

[rogue06]

The wife asks her husband who was at the door when he returned to the den. "Just someone asking for a small donation for the local community swimming pool" he responded as he sat down.

"What did you give him," she asked.

"A glass of water."

[rogue06]

A man goes to a psychiatrist and tells him there are times that he thinks he is a goat. "How long have you been having this feeling?" the psychiatrist asks.

"Since I was a kid."

[rogue06]

A woman goes to the doctor and tells him that every time she drinks a cup of coffee she gets a stabbing pain in her left eye and asks him what should she do.

The doctor suggests taking the spoon out of the cup.

[rogue06]

What do you call twin police officers?


Copies.

[Chaotic Void]

My co-worker asked me the other day if she could borrow a ruler.

I asked her to try Communist Russia, and that I'd Putin a good word for her.

(Seriously, this happened the other day... is it any wonder they all want to do me in? )

[rogue06]

My co-worker asked me the other day if she could borrow a ruler.

I asked her to try Communist Russia, and that I'd Putin a good word for her.

(Seriously, this happened the other day... is it any wonder they all want to do me in? )

Do they need any help?

[Chaotic Void]

Do they need any help?

Perhaps, but unless you're a psychiatrist you can't do much.