Russia to Reclaim Alaska - Maybe

[Teallaura]

Yeah, no. But what is happening is more in the saga of 'The Young and the Russian'.

When we last left our story, Vlad and Vlod were trading barbs about who was losing the most and which idiot started the fight. Vlad had made the stunning revelation that he was cutting off Olaf from The Gas Bar later this week. This stunned no one since he'd obviously been planning this but we all acted stunned anyway - it makes him happy. In the confusion, Vlad hatched his most nefarious plan since his last nefarious plan - Russia is reclaiming just about any territory it can make an irrational claim on without making anyone laugh at them.

First, he stole what little hadn't already been stolen of the Sakhalin facility in the FAAAAAAAAR east of the country. The odd move is obviously 99 D chess because Shell was busily selling their remaining interest to India who will be more than a little ticked. Having PO'd both Japan and India in one fell swoop, Vlad set an evil eye on America.

He erected a billboard announcing that 'Alaska is Ours'. In Vladivostok where one poor half frozen schmuck not only noticed it but posted a pic online. This brilliant move sent several unnamed Alaskan political leaders to the hospital as they could not stop laughing. Alaska Governor Mike Dunleavy wished Russia good luck in a tweet. He's expected to recover from his 'laughing fit' in a week or two. Former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin made some remarks and was last seen with her favorite elephant gun muttering something about needing a new bearskin rug.

Will Vlad succeed in holding NATO together by so thoroughly ticking everyone off that they have no choice but stay in NATO? Will Vlod get even better at his new hobby of blowing up Russian ammo depots? Will Russia find an even stupider way to pretend the sanctions aren't really hurting? Will Joe Biden notice any of this?

Join us next time for 'The Bad, the Stupid and the Unconscious'!

[rogue06]

The glorious revolution begins with the uprising in Sitka (Ситка) tovarich.

[Ronson]

Medvedev has become Putin's dingbat court jester of late. He keeps making the craziest threatening claims, probably in an attempt to either impress Putin or to make Putin look reasonable by comparison.

[Sparko]

They sold it to us.

[Ronson]

They sold it to us.

Yeah. They'd have to give us that $7 million back first.

Man, that was a bargain - even when adjusted for today's value.

[Sparko]

Yeah. They'd have to give us that $7 million back first.

Man, that was a bargain - even when adjusted for today's value.

They have no legal or historic claim on it at this point. They can try to claim Ukraine belongs to Russia and are "rebelling" but Alaska, they sold it to us all legal, contracts and all. Even if they wanted it back, they have no claim on it. Of course if they did try, they would find themselves in WW3. But just saying, no claim.

[rogue06]

Yeah. They'd have to give us that $7 million back first.

Man, that was a bargain - even when adjusted for today's value.

Ironically, the person responsible for the purchase, Secretary of State William Seward, took a lot of criticism for the purchase with it called "Seward's Folly” or "Seward's Icebox." Opposition to the purchase of Alaska pretty much ended nearly 30 years later with the Klondike Gold Strike in 1896.

And that $7.2 million would be worth $167,026,285 today. Still a great deal.

[Ronson]

They have no legal or historic claim on it at this point. They can try to claim Ukraine belongs to Russia and are "rebelling" but Alaska, they sold it to us all legal, contracts and all. Even if they wanted it back, they have no claim on it. Of course if they did try, they would find themselves in WW3. But just saying, no claim.

I know. That's why I said that Medvedev is Putin's court jester; him making crazy comments in order to make Putin look reasonable by comparison. Maybe by design, but even Medvedev couldn't possibly believe his prattle.

[rogue06]

They have no legal or historic claim on it at this point. They can try to claim Ukraine belongs to Russia and are "rebelling" but Alaska, they sold it to us all legal, contracts and all. Even if they wanted it back, they have no claim on it. Of course if they did try, they would find themselves in WW3. But just saying, no claim.

Back during the Cold War the Soviet Union would semi-regularly assert that Edouard de Stoeckl did not have the authority to make the sale or that he was blackmailed into it.

[Sparko]

Back during the Cold War the Soviet Union would semi-regularly assert that Edouard de Stoeckl did not have the authority to make the sale or that he was blackmailed into it.

The Emperor told him to sell it.

[rogue06]

The Emperor told him to sell it.

The Rooskies claim it was all his idea. De Stoeckl, did push hard for the sale claiming that it would be seized by the British if hostilities ever broke out between them and / or it would lead to inevitable conflict with the U.S.

OTOH, the Czar did bestow a lifetime pension on him for a job well done after he made the sale.

[Teallaura]

They have no legal or historic claim on it at this point. They can try to claim Ukraine belongs to Russia and are "rebelling" but Alaska, they sold it to us all legal, contracts and all. Even if they wanted it back, they have no claim on it. Of course if they did try, they would find themselves in WW3. But just saying, no claim.

By the time they get to us we can just let Sarah and a couple of caribou handle it. Amphibious invasions aren't nearly as impressive when they involve a dingy and half an oar.

[rogue06]

By the time they get to us we can just let Sarah and a couple of caribou handle it. Amphibious invasions aren't nearly as impressive when they involve a dingy and half an oar.

If someone tells them that a bunch of 150 year old vodka is hidden in a cache near Juneau, then Alaska might see an invasion.

[Teallaura]

If someone tells them that a bunch of 150 year old vodka is hidden in a cache near Juneau, then Alaska might see an invasion.

Yeah, but five dingys and a trolling boat...

[rogue06]

Yeah, but five dingys and a trolling boat...

After the first case they will have hatched their own cunning plan.