I've posed about this before, roughly, but I think I've made a little bit of progress lately, and so might be capable of a little more...objectivity (?) than I have been. Objectivity with respect to me and my messed-up head.
I have a weird personality. For as long as I can remember, I've had trouble fitting in. Anywhere. It is very difficult for me to feel a sense of belonging, in any context. It takes time--sometimes a great deal of it--and patience (from me and others).
One way this manifests itself is in my extreme difficulty with discussing controversial things with other people. It's really easy for me to jump to the conclusion that somebody is being dismissive of me. I see dismissiveness almost everywhere, in most topics. Particularly online--the internet seems to exacerbate it, although it's present in person as well.
So this is me, trying to be detached and clinical about myself, or as near as I can be. I know that my perceptions are messed up, and have been for a long time...but I'm not sure what to do about it. Trying to overcome that feeling of dismissal/contempt (fill in the blank) by tackling it head-on doesn't work for me. All it does is create a bunch of anxiety, which I don't need, and then I just back out for the peace of mind.
So, when are people actually being dismissive of me, and what do I do when I'm pretty sure they aren't, but the feeling is still there (and quite strong, at that)? No doubt people are dismissive and contemptuous, especially on the internet, but I'm pretty sure that it doesn't happen as often as I perceive it to. To date, the only workable solution has been to avoid it as best I can--hence my prior posts in here about my personality disorder. I do have avoidant personality disorder, I'm quite sure, but I'm also quite sure that it's learned behavior that I've drilled into myself. Well, I want to drill it out now.
I have a weird personality. For as long as I can remember, I've had trouble fitting in. Anywhere. It is very difficult for me to feel a sense of belonging, in any context. It takes time--sometimes a great deal of it--and patience (from me and others).
One way this manifests itself is in my extreme difficulty with discussing controversial things with other people. It's really easy for me to jump to the conclusion that somebody is being dismissive of me. I see dismissiveness almost everywhere, in most topics. Particularly online--the internet seems to exacerbate it, although it's present in person as well.
So this is me, trying to be detached and clinical about myself, or as near as I can be. I know that my perceptions are messed up, and have been for a long time...but I'm not sure what to do about it. Trying to overcome that feeling of dismissal/contempt (fill in the blank) by tackling it head-on doesn't work for me. All it does is create a bunch of anxiety, which I don't need, and then I just back out for the peace of mind.
So, when are people actually being dismissive of me, and what do I do when I'm pretty sure they aren't, but the feeling is still there (and quite strong, at that)? No doubt people are dismissive and contemptuous, especially on the internet, but I'm pretty sure that it doesn't happen as often as I perceive it to. To date, the only workable solution has been to avoid it as best I can--hence my prior posts in here about my personality disorder. I do have avoidant personality disorder, I'm quite sure, but I'm also quite sure that it's learned behavior that I've drilled into myself. Well, I want to drill it out now.
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