The Silence of Heaven

[Cow Poke]

To be honest, this topic has been an area of personal interest for me for some time. Years ago, I sought God's will for something specific. There was no conflict with Scripture (as either option was Scriptural), but I had a choice to make and I wanted to know if this was part of God's plan for my life. I prayed daily about it for months, asking for some sort of sign. Then one day, I received my answer. I suddenly knew specific information with 100% certainty, and I didn't possess the facts to ascertain this information on my own. Because of the context and nature of this information and how it related to my personal dilemma, I was instantly convinced this was a sign from God, that I had received direction about what to do. It's hard to convey how it felt because I've never felt that way before or since, but I thought at the time that I knew what choice God wanted me to make and that I also had a rough idea about how the choice would play out. I'm naturally an indecisive and cautious person. I'm never 100% sure about anything. So when this feeling overwhelmed me, I felt it was from outside myself.

Boy, I've never been more wrong about anything in my life. I made my choice and the consequences played out terribly. What happened was the polar opposite of what I thought would happen (and also what I wanted to happen). This put me in a rough spot. None of this was about ego, as very few people knew about my decision and I hadn't told anyone that I thought I'd heard from God (indeed, I didn't speak to anyone of this for probably 5 years at least). I felt betrayed, as if I had sought God's guidance and been mislead. Then doubt crept in. Had I actually received any direction from God at all? And worse still, if at the time I was so utterly convinced I had heard from God, and it turned out I was wrong....how in the world could I ever trust myself to make that sort of determination again? There was literally no way for me to know if God had spoken to me. And if there was no way to evaluate it, then it was pointless to ask for God to give me specific direction over...well, anything. This was the beginning of a rough period in my life. My personal beliefs began to trend agnostic, then atheistic. It was years before I could honestly admit to myself that God existed, because I thought it would be more convenient if He did not exist. My decisions would be easier to make, and there'd be no Divine standard of moral behavior.

Around this time, I read Silence by Shusaku Endo (actually it was assigned reading in a college course I was taking). The book is a brutal exploration of the meaning of God's silence. While the book was more dramatic that my personal situation, it encapsulated how I felt pretty well.

So, I guess all of that is what precipitated the deconstruction of my faith. Now, I'm in the process of reconstructing my faith. I'm trying to learn more about God's Word, but there are a lot of (mainstream) teachings from the church of my youth that I have trouble squaring with what I read in the Bible.

But, back to the topic at hand. I remain convinced that on rare occasions, God does speak to individuals. I've too much second-hand information to believe otherwise. However, I'm completely at a loss regarding how to know if specific feelings/desires/inclinations are from God or not. Obviously, they should square with Scripture. But beyond that, I've no idea. Which is probably why, though I ask for God's guidance regularly, I assume that guidance will come in form of him giving me wisdom as I study his Word and try to discern the truth. I guess it's been about 12 years since I asked God to speak to me.

I have learned, brother, that when I'm seeking God's will on a particular matter, I am careful to add, "But, Lord, you're going to have to make it CRYSTAL CLEAR, because you know what a blockhead I can be...."

On a number of subsequent occasions, using that kind of prayer, I have been delighted how many times the answer comes in the scripture I'm reading for that day, a sermon I hear on the radio, a friend just mentioning something in conversation that speaks to the issue....

I'm rereading your post again, cause I think there's some more 'something' there that I'm not getting, but I do appreciate you sharing.

[Christianbookworm]

Hey, you never will know if something even worse would have happened with the other option. Of course, then you would wish He had shown you a third option, but that may have not been possible. Stinks.

[lee_merrill]

I'm surprised no one referred to "my sheep hear my voice" (John 10:27), unless I missed it. And I find that going with day-to-day promptings is the best way to come to recognize the voice of God, instead of seeking God's will when there's a critical decision to be made.

Blessings,
Lee

[KingsGambit]

Just to be honest, claims that hearing the audible voice of God are normative for Christians cause me to doubt my own faith.

[Christianbookworm]

Who claims that every Christian should hear an audible voice? We're skittish creatures! That might be scary!

[One Bad Pig]

Just to be honest, claims that hearing the audible voice of God are normative for Christians cause me to doubt my own faith.

Why?

[KingsGambit]

Why?

Because I have never experienced any such thing. The idea that it normally occurs would imply I missed something entirely.

[Cow Poke]

Who claims that every Christian should hear an audible voice? We're skittish creatures! That might be scary!

Which is why angels are taught in angel school always to precede their announcements to humans with things like "fear not...." (unless, of course, there is reason to fear!)

[One Bad Pig]

Because I have never experienced any such thing. The idea that it normally occurs would imply I missed something entirely.

Huh. My reaction to hearing the assertion would be to push back for evidence supporting it.

[Christianbookworm]

Why are we so skittish? Is it to keep from being arrogant? And what makes me paranoid is when people say you should have Jesus in your "heart" and I can't figure what is meant by that. What do emotions have to do with a rational choice to trust God and want to be loyal to Him forever?

[Apologiaphoenix]

I'll have to take your word for it, because I'm not too familiar with that.

Well, the people who have been granted such abilities have spent decades denying their desires through ascetic practices. Anything reflecting self-glory is rejected straitway. One also must have a deep knowledge of the Scriptures, so one can test the spirits to see whether they be of God; anything contrary to Scripture is also rejected out of hand.

Huh. My reaction to hearing the assertion would be to push back for evidence supporting it.

Sure, but if you're a new Christian, you might not think in those terms.

[JimL]

Sure, but if you're a new Christian, you might not think in those terms.

Yeah, after all, seer saw a fern elevate in mid air, ran his hands all around it to make sure nothing was holding it up, assumed it was a message from god, and I can remember how everyone pushed back for evidence supporting it.

[One Bad Pig]

Sure, but if you're a new Christian, you might not think in those terms.

If I were a new Christian, I'd probably go to Christians with more experience to see if they agreed. It is a rather extraordinary claim, yes?

[One Bad Pig]

Yeah, after all, seer saw a fern elevate in mid air, ran his hands all around it to make sure nothing was holding it up, assumed it was a message from god, and I can remember how everyone pushed back for evidence supporting it.

Please don't post after sniffing glue, m'kay?

[JimL]

If I were a new Christian, I'd probably go to Christians with more experience to see if they agreed. It is a rather extraordinary claim, yes?

And extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, right?