Why Autism Awareness Month Matters To Me

[Apologiaphoenix]

What does April mean?

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Why do I care about this month? Let's plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I hate it when June comes around. It's a time when we try to celebrate what I consider perversion, as if it's not forced down my throat the rest of the year. I notice when black history month rolls around or women's history month or any other month by a group that is deemed politically relevant, everyone tries to speak at that time. Everyone wants to virtue signal.

April, I get crickets.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't want to be a political pawn. I don't want people to acknowledge this month just because they're trying to show how virtuous they are without the substance. I despise fake.

I'm also not at all wanting to call this a pride month. Being on the spectrum is not an accomplishment in itself. Now what I do in overcoming the hurdles, that can be an accomplishment, but the fact I have a condition doesn't make me automatically special.

What I do consider it is a chance to invite others into my own world and let them know what it's like. I recall a time a friend contacted me when he found out his son was on the spectrum. Everyone else he talked to treated it like a cancer diagnosis. I told him to be thankful immediately. He was going to see the world through a whole new set of ideas he had never seen before.

What a shock that that was the best word that he heard and it has proven to be true.

This month can be special because people do realize that some of us are different. Some of us do have extra hurdles to overcome. We don't want to be babied as we overcome them, but we welcome those who come alongside us and help us on the journey.

I'm a gamer. You know that. I think of having a party in a quest. In Final Fantasy XIV, as an example, when you go into a dungeon, you have your tank. This is the guy who takes all the hard hits and draws the attention of the enemies. Then you have the healers. These are the ones who keep the tank and everyone else alive. Finally, you have the damage dealers. These are the ones who defeat the enemies for the most part.

A party without one of these units will not survive. A party all one type of unit will not survive. You need a full party. You need everyone to do their part. I have my part I can do, but I'm thrilled to have other people join me who have strengths where I am weak.

That's why I prefer the term awareness. It's just saying to notice that some people are different, and that's okay. I realize not everyone is high-functioning. That's also okay. I do have a gift in that way in that I can speak for others. I'm glad to do it.

Also, keep in mind that sadly a lot of people on the spectrum are atheists and agnostics because so much Christian language is hard to relate to and abstract concepts can be hard to think about. Please keep this in mind. Pray for the Autism community. We need Jesus just as much as the neurotypicals do.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

[Apologiaphoenix]

How does speaking work?

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Can we all speak? Let's plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

One of the aspects you find of people on the spectrum is some are said to be non-verbal. I say said to be because there have been cases of people who are on the spectrum and yet when they are alone around horses, they are observed to speak. We could also say some people do speak through the medium of the internet which means they express themselves through typing, but not through orality.

I am obviously one of those who is verbal. I am a public speaker and many of you have seen me speak and even debate. At the same time, I can be exceptionally shy and introverted. I like what Hugh Ross said once and even if you consider yourself a YEC, I urge you to really listen to this. He is also on the spectrum and has said he would rather speak to 100 people instead of to one.

One of my requirements is going door-to-door doing evangelism once a week when regular classes are in session. We don't have anyone go individually and I never initiate. I generally wait and see if I can get an opening and jump something in. If it's an intellectual conversation, I can usually do it very well and then I'm quite animated, but when it comes to personal communication, I struggle with strangers.

Never mind also that I consider much of our evangelism is done wrongly. We have too much of an emphasis on going to Heaven when you die as if that's the point. I much more prefer to speak of Jesus being the king and we need to get in line with Him. Other than that, I'm watching a conversation go on and wondering what I can say and it seems like people already know what's going on and how to speak.

I recall one time my then roommate and I went to a Kingdom Hall where Jehovah's Witnesses meet as we had had some visiting us who asked us to attend. In the end, we got lovebombed as I describe it where people swarmed around us wanting to meet us. This was a horrid situation for me. So one of them comes to me and takes my hand and introduces themselves. I'm standing there in total disarray with everything going on and I hear my roommate say "Say your name."

Now understand, I know I needed to do this. I knew what social etiquette required of me, but as is said, knowing is half the battle. It's an important half, but half still. However, I can say his saying that gave me the necessary jumpstart I needed.

Many times if I'm in public, I just don't speak a lot if it's someone I don't know. I work at the campus Post Office and if someone walks by with mail they want to mail and plan to put it in the slot, I will reach out my hand. I find it difficult to say "I'll take that." When I go to the grocery store and I need to get a barrier to separate my order from the next, I can't say it. I wind up pointing wildly trying to get their attention."

I never seem to.

If I don't speak to you, it's because I don't have that form of trust with you yet. Many times, I still would prefer to speak non-verbally if I can. I do enjoy speaking at times as one thing people learn about me often is I love to say things to make people laugh.

Also, sometimes if people ask me vague questions ("How are you? The question I hate the most.) I don't know how to answer. I have heard people speak about me supposedly under my breath as if I was rude. It is not my intention to be rude. I find many people who stress on people being polite so much are often some of the rudest ones that I meet. I don't answer because I don't know what to say. It's not a goal to be rude.

Please remember if you meet someone who is quiet that it could be they are on the spectrum. There is no desire to be rude. Being Miss Manners around them won't help. It only makes it harder.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

[Apologiaphoenix]

Away with small talk.

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What is the bane of existing? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Seriously. I hate small talk. I want nothing to do with it.

I have some friends who are a husband and wife and both of them are on the spectrum. When we call one another, it’s because one of us has a problem and wants the other’s help. Thus, we call and we immediately jump straight to whatever the situation is. There’s no “How are you?” or anything like that. Now if the other is struggling with something, we might message later on Facebook asking how they’re holding up knowing what the situation is, but it’s never said in the area of small talk.

You know what so many of us hate about it? It’s fake. People say things and they don’t mean it. “How are you?” I have had people say that to me and keep just walking on by. It tells me they don’t really care. Besides, on a bad day for me, I doubt anyone would want to hear me talk about what I am dealing with that day.

I have a therapist here and in discussing the matter with him, something we came to the conclusion of is with me, I replace small talk with humor. When people come to the Post Office, I try to make them laugh. You all probably don’t know what a joy it is when people come and I’m talking with them and I can tell they’re genuinely laughing at my antics.

When a customer comes in who doesn’t know me and tries to engage in small talk, I tend more to freeze than anything else. I have no idea what to say. Sometimes I even have a hard time verbalizing a hi. Again, this can get people to think you’re rude, which is a sad aspect of the way it works.

Getting back to the fakeness of small talk, that’s what makes it so difficult. In my world, I keep looking around to find people who are real. There is a sort of loyalty level I have with people and I give them trust based on how I see them on that level. There are some areas I don’t trust some people with and some areas I do trust other people with.

That depends in part on how real people can be. If you ask me how I’m doing and you don’t really care, it is really saddening. That’s also because like anyone else, we do want people who really do care about us. One of the best ways to do that is not to try small talk, but real talk. Find out what really interests us. Ask us questions that aren’t generalities but can definitively be answered.

For me, I want to talk about subject matter and if I go to someone and I’m just trying to talk about that and not using humor even, that could indicate a different sort of relationship. Like all people, I have aspects of my personality that not even I understand in how I relate to people. Yet of all those ways, small talk is not one of them.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

[Cerebrum123]

One thing I hope more people start to realize is how different ASD can present. I was always considered too weird to be "normal", but my difficulties went unnoticed because I was seen as too "normal" to need help. I was even called a liar or told I was just trying to get attention when I was genuinely struggling*. As you might imagine, that is pretty demoralizing. Especially when you take things more literally than most. I flew under the radar for most of my life because of this. We have many similarities, such as difficulties with small talk, and being seen as rude for communication differences. However, we have differences in presentation as well. You seem to do great with public speaking while it terrifies me. If I'm in front of a lot of people, my brain shuts down. I do much better with 1-3 other people. Online text interactions are one of the few places where I can handle speaking to larger groups.

*Sensory issues and being asked to do certain tasks were major hurdles for me. Music class was an absolute nightmare and so were creative writing assignments.

[KingsGambit]

So is it Autism Awareness Month or Autism Acceptance Month now? I've heard the latter starting to catch on with some people saying that awareness isn't the end goal.

[Cow Poke]

I keep reading this as Austin Awareness Month, and I get nervous.

I'll see myself out.

[Cerebrum123]

So is it Autism Awareness Month or Autism Acceptance Month now? I've heard the latter starting to catch on with some people saying that awareness isn't the end goal.

That depends on who you ask. People who demand acceptance will opt for the latter. Those who just want people to give them a chance to be accepted instead of immediately writing them off are more likely to be okay with the former.

[KingsGambit]

That depends on who you ask. People who demand acceptance will opt for the latter. Those who just want people to give them a chance to be accepted instead of immediately writing them off are more likely to be okay with the former.

On a general note, I've found phrasing like "cancer awareness" to be odd. I think everybody is aware that cancer exists. Maybe they mean awareness of it affecting specific people?

[Cerebrum123]

On a general note, I've found phrasing like "cancer awareness" to be odd. I think everybody is aware that cancer exists. Maybe they mean awareness of it affecting specific people?

For cancer, I don't understand the phrasing. For autism it seems to be more about spreading awareness of how it can affect people and how it can present. While most people have heard about autism, they often only have a very shallow understanding of it at best.

[Cerebrum123]

I keep reading this as Austin Awareness Month, and I get nervous.

I'll see myself out.

[Cow Poke]

Then there are those, like one of my very own sisters, who, in my opinion, give Autism a bad name. She claims both of her sons were diagnosed with it, and uses that to justify ZERO discipline, and these boys are turning out to be quite problematic for society.

I met her family for a meal in a restaurant in Cleveland some years back, and her boys would not sit at the table, they ran all over the restaurant bothering other customers, and getting us some of the dirtiest looks from both customers and staff.
The manager actually came out and very politely asked her to control her children, and she just shrugged and said, "they have Autism". Sadly, that was the last time we tried to have "family time" with that sister.

[KingsGambit]

I've had a few people over the years suggest they think I have it, but at this point in time, I'm either inclined not to think so or not to want a diagnosis.

I was seeing a Christian therapist a few years ago who suggested it, and when I pushed back, he pointed to the example of Sheldon Cooper of someone who could succeed with it. Choosing a fictional character being weird aside, that's the last example of someone successful I would want. His behavior is obviously over the top obnoxious and wrong to me, and I can't identify with it, nor would I. I do remember a thread on here a few years ago where someone said that Sheldon Cooper acts "normal" and got several amens, and if his behavior is normal for the autistic community, I'm definitely not.

[Cerebrum123]

Then there are those, like one of my very own sisters, who, in my opinion, give Autism a bad name. She claims both of her sons were diagnosed with it, and uses that to justify ZERO discipline, and these boys are turning out to be quite problematic for society.

I met her family for a meal in a restaurant in Cleveland some years back, and her boys would not sit at the table, they ran all over the restaurant bothering other customers, and getting us some of the dirtiest looks from both customers and staff.
The manager actually came out and very politely asked her to control her children, and she just shrugged and said, "they have Autism". Sadly, that was the last time we tried to have "family time" with that sister.

That is a parenting problem and not an autism problem. There would be some other excuse even if the kid didn't have autism, I know the type.

[Cow Poke]

That is a parenting problem and not an autism problem. There would be some other excuse even if the kid didn't have autism, I know the type.

And what makes it so sad is that, out of 9 kids (I have 5 sisters and 3 brothers) she's the only one who turned out to be such a bad parent. I don't think I can even blame the guy she married.

[Cerebrum123]

I've had a few people over the years suggest they think I have it, but at this point in time, I'm either inclined not to think so or not to want a diagnosis.

I was seeing a Christian therapist a few years ago who suggested it, and when I pushed back, he pointed to the example of Sheldon Cooper of someone who could succeed with it. Choosing a fictional character being weird aside, that's the last example of someone successful I would want. His behavior is obviously over the top obnoxious and wrong to me, and I can't identify with it, nor would I. I do remember a thread on here a few years ago where someone said that Sheldon Cooper acts "normal" and got several amens, and if his behavior is normal for the autistic community, I'm definitely not.

Sheldon is one of many ways autism can present. It's also good to remember that he is from a sitcom. Most people in such shows are not the best people and are exaggerations of people in real life. There are some traits that Sheldon has that I can identify with, usually certain thought processes. Like the time he suddenly started obsessing over a loom after obsessing over luminous goldfish.

Whether or not you have autism is tied to your neurology and not your values. It can also present wildly differently from person to person. Even among relatively similar people you can get some very different outcomes based on a single different variable.