My wife and I have often said "how can two people with the same parents, the same rules, the same background end up so polar opposite?
The oldest (in her 40's) left home when she was 17, got pregnant, shacked up with a low-life, dabbled in alcohol (minor in possession) and has always seemed to subscribe to the philosophy "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today".
The youngest (4 years younger almost to the day) has been a good kid, a Christ follower, conservative, dependable, trustworthy, and has always seemed to subscribe to "what can I do to earn money to...."
I swear there were times the eldest of the two (let's call her George) stayed awake all night thinking "what can I do to make Dad really REALLY mad".
The youngest (we'll call her Jay) seemed determined to "be somebody", and was a great student (home schooled through high school, then straight to college and several degrees) and is now a hospice nurse.
George was always in debt, always in trouble, always managed to connect with "the wrong people", always a challenge, always needing money, went through three marriages, over the last few years has dabbled in drugs.
All this time, I've kept two things in mind....
A) Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old....
2) The prodigal son didn't come back home until "he came to himself".
We have been praying for George to "come to herself".
I became aware that George had really hit bottom - she and her current husband were both unemployed (he lost his job because he popped positive on a drug test), their water has been turned off, his truck got repo'd, she did a "title loan" on her car, couldn't pay it, and lost her car, her husband had become verbally abusive, their cell phones got turned off... no jobs, no vehicles, no phones.... (How does a person like that even GET a job if they wanted to?)
In all of this, George's daughter (my granddaughter, successful young woman working toward her pharmacy license at Walgreens) took in her little brother (13) because the home situation had become so deplorable, and the younger sister moved in with my other daughter (her aunt)...
While I have helped George in the past with groceries, electric bill, and stuff like that BECAUSE OF THE KIDS... she was no longer taking care of her kids, so I cut off all assistance. (In all honesty, I'm aware I had been enabling her bahavior, but it's so hard NOT helping when the two kids were living with her in that ... "heckhole".
About two months ago, I reached out to her and asked her how much further she had to fall before she woke up. She got angry, obviously in denial, and accused me of accusing her of stuff she's not doing. She "wasn't doing drugs" and she "wasn't hanging with dopers" and she "didn't have any blue warrants for her arrest".... she just needed a loan to get caught up on bills. I told her the bank was closed. (that was tough)
About 3 weeks ago, she called and asked if she could come spend a couple days at my house, do some laundry, and visit with her kids. That had always been an offer on the table, so I went and got her (about 60 miles away).
After the first night, she told me she wanted to get her life straight, and asked if I would take her to the hospital (a treatment center for mostly indigent people trying to recover from drugs and stuff) where she had been "in patient" for 2 or 3 other times. She was self-medicating for bi-polar (self-diagnosed) and was on some prescription drugs for that.
I could see she really needed help, so I drove her to that hospital, but after about three hours in the waiting room (there was a full moon and all the psychos were out) they told us they didn't have a bed for us, and referred her to another hospital down the road.
THAT is where things started to change. The hospital they diverted her to was a "real" hospital that had actual paying patients, accepted insurance, and was a whole different "class of joint". Because she was referred by the other hospital, it didn't matter that she didn't have insurance or money - they took her in.
After a few days, I went back to visit her, and her attitude was SO DIFFERENT! She said, "Dad, they're treating me like a human being, and they're not just 'adjusting my meds' - they're actually making me go to group discussions 5 times a day and helping me get to the root of my problem, and one of the nurses has really taken to me and is praying with me!"
Here's an absolutely amazing thing..... Her CHARGE NURSE - the one who was praying with her and encouraging her, was a young Nigerian woman I had won to the Lord at my Church, and she and her husband were attending my Church faithfully, until they moved away closer to Houston. Her charge nurse (nickname Beto) had no idea George was my daughter, and was quite pleasantly surprised to see me.
Normally, George would spend 3 days in the hospital, get her meds adjusted, get a much of prescriptions, and go back to the same old environment that got her in this kind of mess.
This time, on my second visit, George said, "Dad, my psychiatrist would like me to stay another couple days, she thinks I'm making progress, and I'm off most of the prescription drugs the other hospital had me on, and I can actually think!"
She ended up staying almost 2 weeks, and I could see her becoming more cogent and clear, and she asked, "when I get released, can I stay at your house for a while, because they don't think I need to go back to my old friends and my old neighborhood and my old connections...."
So, it's been a little over two weeks with her at my house - she's been attending Church, she found an AN support group to attend, she's functioning like a human.... and the other day I had about a 3 hour talk with her where - for the first time - she actually opened up about her past, her bad decisions, and seems to be becoming "more human" every day.
I am CAUTIOUSLY optimistic - I've seen her "turn around" before, as a ploy to get me to loan her money or get her a car, or help her with something..... this time honestly feels different.
It is entirely possible that
A) Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old.... has come true
2) The prodigal son didn't come back home until "he came to himself".... she has "come to herself".
We're taking it a day at a time - "you didn't get this way overnight - it's not gonna get fixed overnight".
The oldest (in her 40's) left home when she was 17, got pregnant, shacked up with a low-life, dabbled in alcohol (minor in possession) and has always seemed to subscribe to the philosophy "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today".
The youngest (4 years younger almost to the day) has been a good kid, a Christ follower, conservative, dependable, trustworthy, and has always seemed to subscribe to "what can I do to earn money to...."
I swear there were times the eldest of the two (let's call her George) stayed awake all night thinking "what can I do to make Dad really REALLY mad".
The youngest (we'll call her Jay) seemed determined to "be somebody", and was a great student (home schooled through high school, then straight to college and several degrees) and is now a hospice nurse.
George was always in debt, always in trouble, always managed to connect with "the wrong people", always a challenge, always needing money, went through three marriages, over the last few years has dabbled in drugs.
All this time, I've kept two things in mind....
A) Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old....
2) The prodigal son didn't come back home until "he came to himself".
We have been praying for George to "come to herself".
I became aware that George had really hit bottom - she and her current husband were both unemployed (he lost his job because he popped positive on a drug test), their water has been turned off, his truck got repo'd, she did a "title loan" on her car, couldn't pay it, and lost her car, her husband had become verbally abusive, their cell phones got turned off... no jobs, no vehicles, no phones.... (How does a person like that even GET a job if they wanted to?)
In all of this, George's daughter (my granddaughter, successful young woman working toward her pharmacy license at Walgreens) took in her little brother (13) because the home situation had become so deplorable, and the younger sister moved in with my other daughter (her aunt)...
While I have helped George in the past with groceries, electric bill, and stuff like that BECAUSE OF THE KIDS... she was no longer taking care of her kids, so I cut off all assistance. (In all honesty, I'm aware I had been enabling her bahavior, but it's so hard NOT helping when the two kids were living with her in that ... "heckhole".
About two months ago, I reached out to her and asked her how much further she had to fall before she woke up. She got angry, obviously in denial, and accused me of accusing her of stuff she's not doing. She "wasn't doing drugs" and she "wasn't hanging with dopers" and she "didn't have any blue warrants for her arrest".... she just needed a loan to get caught up on bills. I told her the bank was closed. (that was tough)
About 3 weeks ago, she called and asked if she could come spend a couple days at my house, do some laundry, and visit with her kids. That had always been an offer on the table, so I went and got her (about 60 miles away).
After the first night, she told me she wanted to get her life straight, and asked if I would take her to the hospital (a treatment center for mostly indigent people trying to recover from drugs and stuff) where she had been "in patient" for 2 or 3 other times. She was self-medicating for bi-polar (self-diagnosed) and was on some prescription drugs for that.
I could see she really needed help, so I drove her to that hospital, but after about three hours in the waiting room (there was a full moon and all the psychos were out) they told us they didn't have a bed for us, and referred her to another hospital down the road.
THAT is where things started to change. The hospital they diverted her to was a "real" hospital that had actual paying patients, accepted insurance, and was a whole different "class of joint". Because she was referred by the other hospital, it didn't matter that she didn't have insurance or money - they took her in.
After a few days, I went back to visit her, and her attitude was SO DIFFERENT! She said, "Dad, they're treating me like a human being, and they're not just 'adjusting my meds' - they're actually making me go to group discussions 5 times a day and helping me get to the root of my problem, and one of the nurses has really taken to me and is praying with me!"
Here's an absolutely amazing thing..... Her CHARGE NURSE - the one who was praying with her and encouraging her, was a young Nigerian woman I had won to the Lord at my Church, and she and her husband were attending my Church faithfully, until they moved away closer to Houston. Her charge nurse (nickname Beto) had no idea George was my daughter, and was quite pleasantly surprised to see me.
Normally, George would spend 3 days in the hospital, get her meds adjusted, get a much of prescriptions, and go back to the same old environment that got her in this kind of mess.
This time, on my second visit, George said, "Dad, my psychiatrist would like me to stay another couple days, she thinks I'm making progress, and I'm off most of the prescription drugs the other hospital had me on, and I can actually think!"
She ended up staying almost 2 weeks, and I could see her becoming more cogent and clear, and she asked, "when I get released, can I stay at your house for a while, because they don't think I need to go back to my old friends and my old neighborhood and my old connections...."
So, it's been a little over two weeks with her at my house - she's been attending Church, she found an AN support group to attend, she's functioning like a human.... and the other day I had about a 3 hour talk with her where - for the first time - she actually opened up about her past, her bad decisions, and seems to be becoming "more human" every day.
I am CAUTIOUSLY optimistic - I've seen her "turn around" before, as a ploy to get me to loan her money or get her a car, or help her with something..... this time honestly feels different.
It is entirely possible that
A) Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old.... has come true
2) The prodigal son didn't come back home until "he came to himself".... she has "come to herself".
We're taking it a day at a time - "you didn't get this way overnight - it's not gonna get fixed overnight".
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