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Why would a woman watch porn?
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What effect does porn have on women? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
In a recent discussion on Facebook I have joined in on and am participating in, the topic has come up of women and porn. Ironically, a female friend of mine is engaging in the thread and some men in the thread are trying to really set her straight on women and porn. I guess the whole thing of appropriating a culture doesn’t apply when it comes to talking to someone of the opposite sex.
So let’s consider some aspects. Do women watch pornography? Yes. PornHub has a number of subscribers that are women. However, saying a woman watches porn and can even seek it out does not mean that she watches it for the same reason that a man does.
To begin with, by nature, men are more visual creatures. I remember reading once in a book, I think meant to tell women about men, that if some diehard baseball fans were watching the World Series and their team was about to win and it was the bottom of the ninth and all that other stuff that shows the game is over, and a woman came in and suddenly took her shirt off, they would completely forget the game.
That is absolutely right.
It’s not just guys who are into sports. The same will apply to your average nerd. A friend of mine once sent me a video of a challenge that some girls have done with their spouses or boyfriends. Whichever it is isn’t specified and while I think this should only be reserved for spouses, the principle applies. In this, a woman would come out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel (The videos do not show the woman except perhaps her feet and hands) and come to her man who would be playing a video game. She would then toss the towel on him or do something to let him know she was there and when he looked, she would be there in all her glory at that point. The overwhelming majority of guys dropped what they were doing immediately and came towards her.
The rest are idiots.
Now women are not the same way. This does not mean that a woman does not enjoy the sight of a man’s body, but she doesn’t enjoy it the way a man enjoys the sight of her body for the most part. Normally, a woman has to feel emotionally connected first before she will express interest in the physical connection. For the guy, the strong emotional connection normally comes through that physical. Deprive him of the physical and it’s hard for him to feel emotionally close.
Keep in mind this is also generalities. This is not to say there are not exceptions. There was the big joke when Aquaman came out that Moms were telling their sons, “Sure. I’ll take you to see Aquaman.” Yes. Women can have men that they get turned on by, but that doesn’t mean they would necessarily be saying “I really want to have sex with him” immediately. For a guy, it is normally instantly. One of the biggest problems in male-female relationships is too often women think men should think like them and men think women should think like them.
There was also a study done once with an average looking female college student (How it is determined someone is average looking is not named) approaches a college guy and says she’s attractive and asks if he would like to have sex that evening. Some guys responded with “Why wait until the evening?” When the scenario was reversed with the guy approaching the girl, not a single girl said yes. You can see it here.
Also noteworthy, men said they would prefer to have a larger number of sex partners in a lifetime than the women would. For the most part, a woman wants to know she’s loved and accepted as she is in order to be free with the man she’s with. Porn won’t give her that message.
So why do women watch porn? There are a few other reasons.
One is that they might want to know what to expect from their guys. Generally nowadays, when a guy begins dating a girl, the girl is assuming that he is watching porn. Sometimes, a woman will think that the man might be watching porn now, but surely once they marry, he will give up that porn for her. Right?
Wrong.
Seriously ladies, you don’t have to compete. If you meet a guy who is at least not doing something about a porn problem that he has, such as engaging in Celebrate Recovery and/or getting software to help deal with his problem, then dump him. This won’t just go away. Porn is not a problem just with behavior, but it is a problem with attitude and a mindset on how a man sees women. That mindset needs to be changed.
And women, if you’re married and you discover this with your man, make no compromises to porn. Don’t give it a foothold. Normally, I uphold the rule in marriage Paul gives about not depriving one another, but porn I think is a valid exception. If he wants your body, he needs that to be only your body and no one else’s. You will not compete against women on a screen because you will lose. Why? Not because you’re not better looking, but because that which is not present is fantasy and reality cannot compete against fantasy. He can make that woman whoever he wants and give her whatever personality he wants. You are a real flesh and blood woman and he cannot make you do whatever he wants or be whatever he wants. You require something. She doesn’t.
At the same time, if he does confess this and he is broken in repentance over it, be gentle too. It hurts, but appreciate that he came clean because if he does that, it could mean he really wants to change. Be gentle, but also be firm in the matter. You will not share his head or his body with anyone else.
Another reason is that women might just have a curiosity about what to expect. This could be especially the case if a woman has never been intimate with a man before. Unfortunately, just like anything else on TV, it doesn’t give the reality.
The other reason could be peer-pressure. Some women could be watching it because everyone else around them is doing it they think, or some couples could do this thinking that it will improve their sex life. Short-term, it might, but long-term, it will do more harm. A man watching porn is implicitly telling his wife that she is not sufficient for him.
And ladies, if you go along with that, then you are agreeing to it.
For guys struggling with porn, I recommend you talk to my friends at ProvenMen. Women can also have porn addictions and I urge you to get the help that you need as well and find a counterpart site for the women. If I would urge women about any corresponding danger for them, it would be chick flicks and romance novels. Those often set up unrealistic portrayals of men relationally just as porn does for women physically and sexually. I am not saying for sure all are like this as I don’t read romance novels definitely, but be on guard. You don’t need to think about your man unrealistically for he is always a man.
Let’s also do whatever we can to end porn. It is exploitation and misogynistic both. Christians definitely need to have nothing to do with it.
In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Link
---------
What effect does porn have on women? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
In a recent discussion on Facebook I have joined in on and am participating in, the topic has come up of women and porn. Ironically, a female friend of mine is engaging in the thread and some men in the thread are trying to really set her straight on women and porn. I guess the whole thing of appropriating a culture doesn’t apply when it comes to talking to someone of the opposite sex.
So let’s consider some aspects. Do women watch pornography? Yes. PornHub has a number of subscribers that are women. However, saying a woman watches porn and can even seek it out does not mean that she watches it for the same reason that a man does.
To begin with, by nature, men are more visual creatures. I remember reading once in a book, I think meant to tell women about men, that if some diehard baseball fans were watching the World Series and their team was about to win and it was the bottom of the ninth and all that other stuff that shows the game is over, and a woman came in and suddenly took her shirt off, they would completely forget the game.
That is absolutely right.
It’s not just guys who are into sports. The same will apply to your average nerd. A friend of mine once sent me a video of a challenge that some girls have done with their spouses or boyfriends. Whichever it is isn’t specified and while I think this should only be reserved for spouses, the principle applies. In this, a woman would come out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel (The videos do not show the woman except perhaps her feet and hands) and come to her man who would be playing a video game. She would then toss the towel on him or do something to let him know she was there and when he looked, she would be there in all her glory at that point. The overwhelming majority of guys dropped what they were doing immediately and came towards her.
The rest are idiots.
Now women are not the same way. This does not mean that a woman does not enjoy the sight of a man’s body, but she doesn’t enjoy it the way a man enjoys the sight of her body for the most part. Normally, a woman has to feel emotionally connected first before she will express interest in the physical connection. For the guy, the strong emotional connection normally comes through that physical. Deprive him of the physical and it’s hard for him to feel emotionally close.
Keep in mind this is also generalities. This is not to say there are not exceptions. There was the big joke when Aquaman came out that Moms were telling their sons, “Sure. I’ll take you to see Aquaman.” Yes. Women can have men that they get turned on by, but that doesn’t mean they would necessarily be saying “I really want to have sex with him” immediately. For a guy, it is normally instantly. One of the biggest problems in male-female relationships is too often women think men should think like them and men think women should think like them.
There was also a study done once with an average looking female college student (How it is determined someone is average looking is not named) approaches a college guy and says she’s attractive and asks if he would like to have sex that evening. Some guys responded with “Why wait until the evening?” When the scenario was reversed with the guy approaching the girl, not a single girl said yes. You can see it here.
Also noteworthy, men said they would prefer to have a larger number of sex partners in a lifetime than the women would. For the most part, a woman wants to know she’s loved and accepted as she is in order to be free with the man she’s with. Porn won’t give her that message.
So why do women watch porn? There are a few other reasons.
One is that they might want to know what to expect from their guys. Generally nowadays, when a guy begins dating a girl, the girl is assuming that he is watching porn. Sometimes, a woman will think that the man might be watching porn now, but surely once they marry, he will give up that porn for her. Right?
Wrong.
Seriously ladies, you don’t have to compete. If you meet a guy who is at least not doing something about a porn problem that he has, such as engaging in Celebrate Recovery and/or getting software to help deal with his problem, then dump him. This won’t just go away. Porn is not a problem just with behavior, but it is a problem with attitude and a mindset on how a man sees women. That mindset needs to be changed.
And women, if you’re married and you discover this with your man, make no compromises to porn. Don’t give it a foothold. Normally, I uphold the rule in marriage Paul gives about not depriving one another, but porn I think is a valid exception. If he wants your body, he needs that to be only your body and no one else’s. You will not compete against women on a screen because you will lose. Why? Not because you’re not better looking, but because that which is not present is fantasy and reality cannot compete against fantasy. He can make that woman whoever he wants and give her whatever personality he wants. You are a real flesh and blood woman and he cannot make you do whatever he wants or be whatever he wants. You require something. She doesn’t.
At the same time, if he does confess this and he is broken in repentance over it, be gentle too. It hurts, but appreciate that he came clean because if he does that, it could mean he really wants to change. Be gentle, but also be firm in the matter. You will not share his head or his body with anyone else.
Another reason is that women might just have a curiosity about what to expect. This could be especially the case if a woman has never been intimate with a man before. Unfortunately, just like anything else on TV, it doesn’t give the reality.
The other reason could be peer-pressure. Some women could be watching it because everyone else around them is doing it they think, or some couples could do this thinking that it will improve their sex life. Short-term, it might, but long-term, it will do more harm. A man watching porn is implicitly telling his wife that she is not sufficient for him.
And ladies, if you go along with that, then you are agreeing to it.
For guys struggling with porn, I recommend you talk to my friends at ProvenMen. Women can also have porn addictions and I urge you to get the help that you need as well and find a counterpart site for the women. If I would urge women about any corresponding danger for them, it would be chick flicks and romance novels. Those often set up unrealistic portrayals of men relationally just as porn does for women physically and sexually. I am not saying for sure all are like this as I don’t read romance novels definitely, but be on guard. You don’t need to think about your man unrealistically for he is always a man.
Let’s also do whatever we can to end porn. It is exploitation and misogynistic both. Christians definitely need to have nothing to do with it.
In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
