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Mixed Relationships

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  • #16
    Originally posted by seasanctuary View Post
    Good advice. Thank you.
    Seriously, this may be something she "winks at" or minimalizes or justifies or rationalizes, but may become an issue later. I fully admit that I can rationalize actions that, later, upon reflection, I realize were wrong.
    The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

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    • #17
      I know not all Christians understand that scripture to refer to marriage but instead to cooperating with false teachers in the church. Even if that were the case, that would not established entering into a mixed marriage as a wise thing to do.

      (Tangent, but I've also heard some Christians use that verse to argue that Christians cannot be friends with non-Christians. I think that's ridiculous.)
      "I am not angered that the Moral Majority boys campaign against abortion. I am angry when the same men who say, "Save OUR children" bellow "Build more and bigger bombers." That's right! Blast the children in other nations into eternity, or limbless misery as they lay crippled from "OUR" bombers! This does not jell." - Leonard Ravenhill

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      • #18
        Originally posted by KingsGambit View Post
        I know not all Christians understand that scripture to refer to marriage but instead to cooperating with false teachers in the church.
        Been a while since I actually studied this, but it seems it had to do more with worship -- refraining from idols and those who worship them. But....

        Even if that were the case, that would not established entering into a mixed marriage as a wise thing to do.
        Yeah, that!

        (Tangent, but I've also heard some Christians use that verse to argue that Christians cannot be friends with non-Christians. I think that's ridiculous.)
        Which kind of goes against the principle of "being in this world but not of this world"... I experienced the "shunning" in East Texas where a certain denomination has their headquarters, and in the restaurant during their convention, they made it obvious that they ONLY spoke to their own kind, and had as little to do with the wait staff as possible. What a witness!!!!
        The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

        Comment


        • #19
          If you are truly approaching this from the 'we'll both maintain our current views and not expect to ever change' and she accepts Scripture as authoritative, then it's a bad plan that can't end well. More than just raising kids (which is a biggie, no mistake) Christianity affects every aspect of a believer's life. Finances, socializing, morals, gender roles, service - and any area of life where we make decisions more complex than 'regular or color bleach' are all colored by our religious and world views. Tithing, donations, charity, political activity (few people are truly apolitical or utterly politically inactive) et al - tithe from full gross, full net, her gross, her net?; Donate to Boy Scouts or United Way?; Send contributions to ACLJ or ACLU? - all are affected by a person's beliefs and can easily become contentious. It's not just taking the kids to church (and youth, and retreats and...), it's do we let little Johnny spend the night with a family who is openly hostile to the faith or lives in a manner that we believe to be wrong. Works both ways - do you really want your kid staying with someone who will try to convince them you are going to the Hockey Stick place? For those who take faith seriously there's no part of life that is unaffected. Truth is, the same exact thing is true for every world view, not just the religious.

          I'm sorry - I'd rather tell you to go for it. But I don't think it serves anyone well to sugar coat the matter - or that you want sugar coating. Yes, there are those who have made it work, but I guarantee not without some proverbial blood letting. Even in the event you're one of the few couples that manage, it's still going to be particularly hard on the believing partner - especially as time goes by and death approaches. It's heartbreaking enough to lose a loved one - more so a spouse - but the Christian has the comfort of knowing death isn't the end or a permanent separation - unless the spouse is an unbeliever. Eschatology might not be a particular concern for her now, but that changes for us all over time. It will become an issue eventually - part of aging. What she thinks she can accept now can radically change (or not, to be fair) - it's asking for a lot of sacrifice on her part, and that sacrifice becomes greater as your relationship deepens and your lives intertwine. She may never become 'contentious' about it (although you can't be sure - panic isn't a friend of reason) but she will be hurt by it. If she died first, could you handle knowing that she died fearing never being reunited and in whatever pain resulted from it? If you die first, you leave her with more grief than a Christian normally has to bear - would that bother you (beforehand)?

          Things to consider because the issues get harder over time, not easier. I hope for good things for you, but I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you this isn't likely to go well. Scripture counsels against it for a reason.
          "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

          "Forgiveness is the way of love." Gary Chapman

          My Personal Blog

          My Novella blog (Current Novella Begins on 7/25/14)

          Quill Sword

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          • #20
            Amen Teallaura. I completely agree with your eloquent post.

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            • #21
              yeah!
              The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

              Comment


              • #22
                You're right, Teallaura, if I wanted sugar coating I wouldn't have asked here.

                Originally posted by Teallaura View Post
                If you are truly approaching this from the 'we'll both maintain our current views and not expect to ever change' and she accepts Scripture as authoritative, then it's a bad plan that can't end well. More than just raising kids (which is a biggie, no mistake) Christianity affects every aspect of a believer's life. Finances, socializing, morals, gender roles, service - and any area of life where we make decisions more complex than 'regular or color bleach' are all colored by our religious and world views. Tithing, donations, charity, political activity (few people are truly apolitical or utterly politically inactive) et al - tithe from full gross, full net, her gross, her net?; Donate to Boy Scouts or United Way?; Send contributions to ACLJ or ACLU? - all are affected by a person's beliefs and can easily become contentious.
                Many of those are possible points of contention in any marriage. I think it's generally healthy for people in relationships not to insist on the other person holding the same opinions, doing the same activities, having the same set of friends, agreeing on how all of the money is spent, etc. I would want both space to be individuals and commonality as a couple whether there were a religious difference or not.

                Even in the event you're one of the few couples that manage, it's still going to be particularly hard on the believing partner - especially as time goes by and death approaches. It's heartbreaking enough to lose a loved one - more so a spouse - but the Christian has the comfort of knowing death isn't the end or a permanent separation - unless the spouse is an unbeliever. Eschatology might not be a particular concern for her now, but that changes for us all over time. It will become an issue eventually - part of aging. What she thinks she can accept now can radically change (or not, to be fair) - it's asking for a lot of sacrifice on her part, and that sacrifice becomes greater as your relationship deepens and your lives intertwine.
                While I have considered this, my conclusion was that anyone I come to love will put me at risk of the grief of losing her forever. If it's still worthwhile for me, I'm not going to protect her from making a similar choice.

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                • #23
                  This is going to tear you apart man.
                  There are so many cool Christian chicks out there that I am not sure why you'd get bogged down with what will be a disaster. I say "disaster" because the contention that will arise ain't gonna be pretty.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Um, Foud, Sea isn't a Christian, the lady in question is.
                    "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

                    "Forgiveness is the way of love." Gary Chapman

                    My Personal Blog

                    My Novella blog (Current Novella Begins on 7/25/14)

                    Quill Sword

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                    • #25
                      Fair enough, Sea. I will point out that most people select partners with similar world views so while you're correct that all marriages have such issues, those with couples of differing WV face significantly greater challenges.

                      Whatever the two of you decide, I wish you both well.
                      "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

                      "Forgiveness is the way of love." Gary Chapman

                      My Personal Blog

                      My Novella blog (Current Novella Begins on 7/25/14)

                      Quill Sword

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Teallaura View Post
                        Fair enough, Sea. I will point out that most people select partners with similar world views so while you're correct that all marriages have such issues, those with couples of differing WV face significantly greater challenges.
                        That's also fair. And thank you for giving it to me straight. :)

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

                          "Forgiveness is the way of love." Gary Chapman

                          My Personal Blog

                          My Novella blog (Current Novella Begins on 7/25/14)

                          Quill Sword

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            And some mixed marriages do work...

                            http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/1...n_4469377.html
                            Atheism is the cult of death, the death of hope. The universe is doomed, you are doomed, the only thing that remains is to await your execution...

                            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jbnueb2OI4o&t=3s

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by seasanctuary View Post
                              I'm looking for personal experiences or accounts you can point me toward of a Christian and a religious skeptic making a marriage relationship work. Considering dating a Christian for the first time in a long time and am thinking ahead.
                              DogmaDebate #67 – Atheist Preacher’s marriage falling apart.
                              “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.” ― Oscar Wilde
                              “And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that He would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt His existence” ― Bertrand Russell
                              “not all there” - you know who you are

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                              • #30
                                I did ask her about the "unequally yoked" thing. She takes unequal yoking by itself to include situations of being controlled instead of being part of a team and thinks this can happen when both spouses are Christians, but that it would be especially harmful for a Christian to be at the mercy of a controlling unbeliever. (Like in the relationships Seer mentioned on the first page of this thread.)

                                She read this thread and characterized your responses as, "thoughtful."

                                Comment

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