Mixed Relationships

[seasanctuary]

I'm looking for personal experiences or accounts you can point me toward of a Christian and a religious skeptic making a marriage relationship work. Considering dating a Christian for the first time in a long time and am thinking ahead.

[seer]

I'm looking for personal experiences or accounts you can point me toward of a Christian and a religious skeptic making a marriage relationship work. Considering dating a Christian for the first time in a long time and am thinking ahead.

To be honest I'm not sure why a believer would date a non-believer. I know two couples in my church where both the wives are believers and both husbands are atheists - and there is nothing but contention.

[seasanctuary]

To be honest I'm not sure why a believer would date a non-believer. I know two couples in my church where both the wives are believers and both husbands are atheists - and there is nothing but contention.

What kinds of contention, if you don't mind sharing?

[Cow Poke]

There's this thing we call (with some degree of chagrin) "missionary dating", where a Christian will date/marry an unbeliever, assuming (or hoping) he/she will become a Christian. It often works out badly for the Christian, and is contrary to biblical teaching.

As with any other relationship, however, the key is communication and openness. Think about such things as --- what do we do about "going to Church" -- if we have children, how do we raise them, etc...

[seer]

What kinds of contention, if you don't mind sharing?

For one the husbands seem quite jealous of the time their wives spend at church functions and the general church family relationships. The biggest problem is around the 5 kids (between the two marriages) and how they are being brought up. Of course the wives are bringing them to church, and the husbands are actively trying to get the kids not to buy the whole faith thing.

[seasanctuary]

There's this thing we call (with some degree of chagrin) "missionary dating", where a Christian will date/marry an unbeliever, assuming (or hoping) he/she will become a Christian. It often works out badly for the Christian, and is contrary to biblical teaching.

As with any other relationship, however, the key is communication and openness. Think about such things as --- what do we do about "going to Church" -- if we have children, how do we raise them, etc...

No missionary dating, on either side. We would both be going in on the assumption that we'll finish our lives out under our current religious viewpoints.

This isn't something I'm considering lightly. The convenient conclusion for both of us would be, "No this wouldn't work." But beyond liking her as a friend, I want her to be respected and cared for and would be willing to devote my life to that end, if it wouldn't turn into a mess of contention.

[Paprika]

What kinds of contention, if you don't mind sharing?

If you have children, would you mind her 'indoctrinating' the children?

[seasanctuary]

For one the husbands seem quite jealous of the time their wives spend at church functions and the general church family relationships. The biggest problem is around the 5 kids (between the two marriages) and how they are being brought up. Of course the wives are bringing them to church, and the husbands are actively trying to get the kids not to buy the whole faith thing.

Thank you. I'm not worried about being a jerk in those particular areas. She does come with children. I only need the freedom to be honest about my own views (in an age-appropriate way). "Actively trying" wouldn't apply if they were my own children too, let alone when they're not. I am 100% ok if they all stay Christian forever.

[Cow Poke]

No missionary dating, on either side. We would both be going in on the assumption that we'll finish our lives out under our current religious viewpoints.

This isn't something I'm considering lightly. The convenient conclusion for both of us would be, "No this wouldn't work." But beyond liking her as a friend, I want her to be respected and cared for and would be willing to devote my life to end, if it wouldn't turn into a mess of contention.

So, it depends on how much she values scriptural advice, and how much you respect that.

2 Cor 6 [14]*Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers: for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? or what communion hath light with darkness? [15]*And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what portion hath a believer with an unbeliever?

[seasanctuary]

If you have children, would you mind her 'indoctrinating' the children?

I don't have children and I would make sure I stay without children of my own if I went with her. Generally speaking, though, I don't consider evangelizing to be indoctrination unless it's accompanied by a campaign to make sure they don't hear that other options exist. She's not an intellectual-bubble kind of person.

[Cow Poke]

She's not an intellectual-bubble kind of person.

Is she a "committed to Christ" kind of person? Or perhaps a "nominal" Christian?


(I'm guessing this is actually hypothetical, but I'm going with it )

[seasanctuary]

So, it depends on how much she values scriptural advice, and how much you respect that.

At least, I do want to make sure she has a firm reason for not understanding that to be a prohibition. Wouldn't want to date for a year and suddenly that's the problem.

[seasanctuary]

Is she a "committed to Christ" kind of person? Or perhaps a "nominal" Christian?

Not a nominal or "cultural" Christian. She's quite serious in a personal way and has been for as long as I've known her.

[Cow Poke]

Not a nominal or "cultural" Christian. She's quite serious in a personal way and has been for as long as I've known her.

Then I'd encourage you to ask her how she understands the "be not unequally yoked" scripture.

(Just saw you addressed this )

[seasanctuary]

Then I'd encourage you to ask her how she understands the "be not unequally yoked" scripture.

(Just saw you addressed this )

Good advice. Thank you.