James 1:5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
6 But let him ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.
Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please Him , for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.
Faith doesn’t come to me the way it does for some. Many people, including my wife can just see the stars or read a few verses in Romans and that’s all they need to convince them beyond a shadow of a doubt that Yahweh God created this universe from a formless void and sent his only son Jesus to die for our sins almost 2,000 years ago. Many of them marvel how anyone could possibly not see how great and glorious and holy of a God we serve.
Unfortunately that’s not me. I am the man James is talking about in the passage above. My so-called faith is a constant roller-coaster, a leaky ship amongst the raging sea for the past decade. Part of the reason is due to my disposition as an objective truth-seeker. Though this is my first post this time around (I had a different user name before the Big Crash last year), I’ve debated on this and other forums for many years, trying to fervently defend the faith. However, I was never the sort to stick my head in the sand and just proclaim the things I “knew” to be true. I always made sure I understood the opponents arguments as well as I knew my own. Over time this certainly changed my worldview…yet there was always enough truth in the message & structure of Christianity that I never lost my faith completely. However, I began to see that the God I see in nature does not match the God I see in the Bible as we know it today.
Psalms 19:1 The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
2 Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge.
How can I really know God if what the natural knowledge I am receiving is so vastly different than the inspired Scriptural knowledge? Google “pictures of God’s creation” and you get a vast assortment of vistas, clouds, butterflies and rainbows. I think there’s actually a few sites devoted to showing images like that. What you never see are pictures of anglerfish, ticks, hairless moles & sulfur pools. These are equally as prominent in creation, if not more. In fact the vast majority of perceived beauty is by design to kill or protect from being killed. All creation is knowledge…both the ugly & beautiful, however most believers are content to just say spiders & such are products of the fall. But as I learned, that is almost certainly not true. In the least it is certainly not scriptural as no mention is made of a second creation…and if you are going to try and convince me that a spider web’s original design was to catch leaves, then I’m sorry but you’ve lost me. I have no problem with belief, but I insist upon that belief being rational and not fanciful.
So it appears that I am forever at an impasse. I’ve always loved all facets of creation (even ticks & anglerfish!) yet I have a major problem marrying the God of the Bible & the God of Creation. Though they share some traits (omnipotence, creativity) they also could not be more different in others (randomness VS complete predetermination, chaos/death as natural VS chaos/death as judgment, Billions of potential Earths VS Earth-Centered, Scripture that has been piecemealed from many sources VS completely Spirit-Inspired/authored, etc..).
I am convinced that there is nothing I can personally do that will grant me the intellectual knowledge to harmoniously answer these problems. After all the message of the Gospel is not about what I have done, but what He has done for me, correct? I have prayed for many years that God grant me this faith that surpasses knowledge & love that surpasses understanding. And yet I still do not feel that I truly know him. I certainly don’t trust him in the way that would grant me saving faith. And worst of all, I do not love him. I do desire to, but if I’m honest with myself, I cannot say that I love him with all my heart nor do I make him the central focus of my life. Is it really an either or? Must I simply abandon rationality if I am to believe? Do I just have to drown out the constant objections I see to Orthodox Christianity and become a fideist? I’d really love to hear input, especially from any theistic evolutionists on board, as their plight would be most similar to mine.
6 But let him ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.
Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please Him , for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.
Faith doesn’t come to me the way it does for some. Many people, including my wife can just see the stars or read a few verses in Romans and that’s all they need to convince them beyond a shadow of a doubt that Yahweh God created this universe from a formless void and sent his only son Jesus to die for our sins almost 2,000 years ago. Many of them marvel how anyone could possibly not see how great and glorious and holy of a God we serve.
Unfortunately that’s not me. I am the man James is talking about in the passage above. My so-called faith is a constant roller-coaster, a leaky ship amongst the raging sea for the past decade. Part of the reason is due to my disposition as an objective truth-seeker. Though this is my first post this time around (I had a different user name before the Big Crash last year), I’ve debated on this and other forums for many years, trying to fervently defend the faith. However, I was never the sort to stick my head in the sand and just proclaim the things I “knew” to be true. I always made sure I understood the opponents arguments as well as I knew my own. Over time this certainly changed my worldview…yet there was always enough truth in the message & structure of Christianity that I never lost my faith completely. However, I began to see that the God I see in nature does not match the God I see in the Bible as we know it today.
Psalms 19:1 The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
2 Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge.
How can I really know God if what the natural knowledge I am receiving is so vastly different than the inspired Scriptural knowledge? Google “pictures of God’s creation” and you get a vast assortment of vistas, clouds, butterflies and rainbows. I think there’s actually a few sites devoted to showing images like that. What you never see are pictures of anglerfish, ticks, hairless moles & sulfur pools. These are equally as prominent in creation, if not more. In fact the vast majority of perceived beauty is by design to kill or protect from being killed. All creation is knowledge…both the ugly & beautiful, however most believers are content to just say spiders & such are products of the fall. But as I learned, that is almost certainly not true. In the least it is certainly not scriptural as no mention is made of a second creation…and if you are going to try and convince me that a spider web’s original design was to catch leaves, then I’m sorry but you’ve lost me. I have no problem with belief, but I insist upon that belief being rational and not fanciful.
So it appears that I am forever at an impasse. I’ve always loved all facets of creation (even ticks & anglerfish!) yet I have a major problem marrying the God of the Bible & the God of Creation. Though they share some traits (omnipotence, creativity) they also could not be more different in others (randomness VS complete predetermination, chaos/death as natural VS chaos/death as judgment, Billions of potential Earths VS Earth-Centered, Scripture that has been piecemealed from many sources VS completely Spirit-Inspired/authored, etc..).
I am convinced that there is nothing I can personally do that will grant me the intellectual knowledge to harmoniously answer these problems. After all the message of the Gospel is not about what I have done, but what He has done for me, correct? I have prayed for many years that God grant me this faith that surpasses knowledge & love that surpasses understanding. And yet I still do not feel that I truly know him. I certainly don’t trust him in the way that would grant me saving faith. And worst of all, I do not love him. I do desire to, but if I’m honest with myself, I cannot say that I love him with all my heart nor do I make him the central focus of my life. Is it really an either or? Must I simply abandon rationality if I am to believe? Do I just have to drown out the constant objections I see to Orthodox Christianity and become a fideist? I’d really love to hear input, especially from any theistic evolutionists on board, as their plight would be most similar to mine.
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