Joke of the Day

[Teallaura]

Joke of the Month

A man walked to the top of a mountain and yelled up to God, "God, what's a million years to you?"

God said, "A minute."

Then the man asked, "Well, what's a million dollars to you?"

God said, "A penny."

The man asked, "God, can I have a penny?"

And God said, "Sure, in a minute."

-Hawkin Energy Newsletter

[Teallaura]

Joke of the Month

Tom: How's your job at the power plant?


Ron: I don't have the energy to talk about it.


---


Patient: Doc, What's the best cure for double vision?


Doctor: Shut one eye.


---


Ron: I always get sick the night before I go on a trip.


Tom: So why don't you leave a day earlier?




-Hawkin Energy Newsletter

[rogue06]

Patient: Doc, What's the best cure for double vision?


Doctor: Shut one eye.

Been there. Done that. It was the only way that I could tell which road was the real one.

[Teallaura]

Your own fault - we told you to leave those mushrooms alone!

[rogue06]

Your own fault - we told you to leave those mushrooms alone!

It was after a New Years Eve party. I drank waaaay too much "Hunch Punch" (Everclear/190-proof alcohol, Hawaiian Punch & fruit) -- something like a dozen very large glasses.

I was quite literally seeing double as I said. Still I had enough sense to realize I really, really should not be driving. About 2 miles down the road I saw a police car parked along the side of the road so I flashed my lights, did a U-turn and pulled up behind him. He walked up and asked what was wrong and I told him. This was back in the days when a DUI wasn't considered serious so he was just glad that I recognized that I was too impaired to be driving.

He told me to park my car in the nearby Kroger parking lot (and informed me that I had until noon tomorrow to come back and get it) and took me home.

[Teallaura]

What part of 'everclear' sounded like a good idea in the first place?

[Teallaura]

Joke of the Month

A man and his new wife were out for a romantic dinner during their honeymoon. As they were enjoying dessert, the man turned to his wife and asked, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Dear, " she replied sweetly, "I would have married you no matter who left you a fortune."

[Cerebrum123]

[alaskazimm]

The week before Thanksgiving the chickens and the turkeys were standing around the barnyard talking. The chickens say to the turkeys "I don't know what you're complaining about, we're nervous like this all year long"