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Marriage Under False Pretense - Children Suffer?

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  • Marriage Under False Pretense - Children Suffer?

    Just posing this....

    My immediate concern about the SCOTUS opinion on gay marriage, and the fervor over gay rights in general, is that a bunch of people will jump into "marriage", caught up in the euphoria of "we won" to "make a statement".

    As a Pastor who has performed over 200 weddings, I have counseled every one of those couples prior to marriage concerning their expectations, commitment, etc.... My concern was often that a hasty marriage based on "love" (in many cases, lust, or physical attraction) could produce children who would be greatly harmed when the couple discovered they "fell in love", but weren't "in love". (And I have, on more than a few occasions, declined to marry heterosexual couples based on the premarital counseling)

    Now it has been made incredibly easy (or the process has begun) for gay couples to "get married" - there will no doubt be children adopted into many of these "marriages", and I have to wonder about the welfare of these children when the "new" wears off and the euphoria evaporates.
    The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

  • #2
    Certainly a possibility, much like how many new Christians initially stumble because they're too overzealous or have untempered passion upon conversion. Babes in Christ, as a scriptural passage says. But many other people have carefully thought about the issues and logistics and their own emotions and character, as well as those of another, for many years, and have made a well-reasoned decision. Those children presumably will be treated with all the care and love in the world. As for the rest, what's law is law, and we'll have to do our best to provide for them and help them overcome whatever difficult situations in which they've been cast.
    Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.--Isaiah 1:17

    I don't think that all forms o[f] slavery are inherently immoral.--seer

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    • #3
      Originally posted by fm93 View Post
      Certainly a possibility
      Yup - and the children will suffer.
      The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

      Comment


      • #4
        Eh, adoption is a lengthy process; it's a lot easier to rush into a marriage than into an adoption, and I don't think there will be many cases like what you anticipate. Might gay couples who are asked by the adoption agency, "are you sure you're ready for the obligations of parenthood," respond by crying, "DISCRIMINATION!!!"? Possibly. Companies that facilitate surrogacy or IVF might not be so scrupulous as adoption agencies, though

        Society will realize that SSM was a mistake. Probably not soon, possibly in my lifetime, but certainly not before the Republican party officially embraces SSM.
        Don't call it a comeback. It's a riposte.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Spartacus View Post
          Eh, adoption is a lengthy process; it's a lot easier to rush into a marriage than into an adoption,
          Sure, but in the current climate, WHO would stand in the way of a gay couple adopting a child?

          and I don't think there will be many cases like what you anticipate.
          I would hope not.

          Might gay couples who are asked by the adoption agency, "are you sure you're ready for the obligations of parenthood," respond by crying, "DISCRIMINATION!!!"? Possibly. Companies that facilitate surrogacy or IVF might not be so scrupulous as adoption agencies, though
          Again, counselor, the current environment is like... the Berlin Wall has fallen!

          Society will realize that SSM was a mistake.
          I don't know. I would hope so, but I have a hard time believing that. I DO believe the euphoria won't last long.

          Probably not soon, possibly in my lifetime, but certainly not before the Republican party officially embraces SSM.
          I have pretty much given up hope on the Republican party - if they saw it was necessary to embrace SSM to get elected, I wouldn't hold it past them to cave in.
          The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

          Comment


          • #6
            Actually, we should compare to ordinary adoptions. Would an adoptee be better off with an ordinary family than with a s.s. family? I don't know! Possibly better, I guess.
            The greater number of laws . . . , the more thieves . . . there will be. ---- Lao-Tzu

            [T]he truth Iím after and the truth never harmed anyone. What harms us is to persist in self-deceit and ignorance -ó Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Cow Poke View Post
              I have to wonder about the welfare of these children when the "new" wears off and the euphoria evaporates.
              We don't have to wonder. There are existing studies documenting the psychological, emotional, and moral harm that children suffer when raised by a same-sex couple.
              Some may call me foolish, and some may call me odd
              But I'd rather be a fool in the eyes of man
              Than a fool in the eyes of God


              From "Fools Gold" by Petra

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Truthseeker View Post
                Actually, we should compare to ordinary adoptions.
                Well, yeah, but there'd be no data yet for what I'm talking about.

                Would an adoptee be better off with an ordinary family than with a s.s. family?
                I'm sure there will be Googled articles presenting opinions stating there's no difference, but how can anybody argue that God's design for the family - a husband and wife with children* - is not the ideal?

                I don't know! Possibly better, I guess.
                Yeah, I think so.


                *or, as in my daughter's case, a husband and wife unable as yet to have children.
                The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Cow Poke View Post
                  Well, yeah, but there'd be no data yet for what I'm talking about.



                  I'm sure there will be Googled articles presenting opinions stating there's no difference, but how can anybody argue that God's design for the family - a husband and wife with children* - is not the ideal?



                  Yeah, I think so.


                  *or, as in my daughter's case, a husband and wife unable as yet to have children.
                  Or as in my case having come to the decision to late to have any.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by RumTumTugger View Post
                    Or as in my case having come to the decision to late to have any.
                    Yeah, I just didn't want anybody to jump to the conclusion that I think it's NOT a family unless there are kids.
                    The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Cow Poke View Post
                      Yeah, I just didn't want anybody to jump to the conclusion that I think it's NOT a family unless there are kids.
                      I know and I thank you but it is still a regret I have. Oh well as APnick says I do have a lot of spiritual children and that is enough for me.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by RumTumTugger View Post
                        I know and I thank you but it is still a regret I have. Oh well as APnick says I do have a lot of spiritual children and that is enough for me.
                        Some of the most wonderful moms in my life have been women who had no biological children of their own.
                        The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Cow Poke View Post
                          I DO believe the euphoria won't last long.
                          I read an interesting opinion on some random message board today. It went something like this:

                          Gays are a generally miserable lot. Homosexuality and deep-seated psychological problems go hand in hand (for obvious reasons), and it is extremely rare to come across someone who is gay and genuinely happy and satisfied with his life. They thought that pushing for broader social acceptance would bring them happiness, but it didn't. They thought that pushing for broader legal acceptance would bring them happiness, but it didn't. So they looked around and saw all these happy, married, heterosexual couples and thought, "Ah ha! So that's the secret! If only we could marry. Then we would truly be happy!" And so the push over the past several years has been the actions of people desperate to escape the misery of their existence, thinking that happiness, real, lasting happiness, is just a court decision away. And I'm sure they're happy today, or at least they think they are. The problem, of course, is that you can't run away from yourself, and they'll find, to their increasing frustration, that they're right back at the same, miserable condition they were decades ago when they began this crusade. And so they'll set their sights on the next target, and the whole thing will start over again.

                          There's no end to it because there is no magical solution that will bring happiness to homosexuals.
                          Some may call me foolish, and some may call me odd
                          But I'd rather be a fool in the eyes of man
                          Than a fool in the eyes of God


                          From "Fools Gold" by Petra

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Cow Poke View Post
                            but how can anybody argue that God's design for the family - a husband and wife with children* - is not the ideal?
                            I think this here, is the more essential issue, than "will they rush into it too quickly!" "Will they rush into it" is a tremendous concern when we're talking about a heterosexual couple, but it seems to me it's the least of worries when it comes to homosexual marriage.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Mountain Man View Post
                              I read an interesting opinion on some random message board today. It went something like this:

                              Gays are a generally miserable lot. Homosexuality and deep-seated psychological problems go hand in hand (for obvious reasons), and it is extremely rare to come across someone who is gay and genuinely happy and satisfied with his life. They thought that pushing for broader social acceptance would bring them happiness, but it didn't. They thought that pushing for broader legal acceptance would bring them happiness, but it didn't. So they looked around and saw all these happy, married, heterosexual couples and thought, "Ah ha! So that's the secret! If only we could marry. Then we would truly be happy!" And so the push over the past several years has been the actions of people desperate to escape the misery of their existence, thinking that happiness, real, lasting happiness, is just a court decision away. And I'm sure they're happy today, or at least they think they are. The problem, of course, is that you can't run away from yourself, and they'll find, to their increasing frustration, that they're right back at the same, miserable condition they were decades ago when they began this crusade. And so they'll set their sights on the next target, and the whole thing will start over again.

                              There's no end to it because there is no magical solution that will bring happiness to homosexuals.
                              Interesting. Would you please give references to the literature?
                              The greater number of laws . . . , the more thieves . . . there will be. ---- Lao-Tzu

                              [T]he truth Iím after and the truth never harmed anyone. What harms us is to persist in self-deceit and ignorance -ó Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

                              Comment

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