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Rape Culture: Why Yes can mean No

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  • Rape Culture: Why Yes can mean No

    In an article written by Jordan Bosiljevac and published on "The Forum" she claims that even if a woman says "Yes" she might really mean "No" and that means she was raped.

    http://cmcforum.com/opinion/04302015...es-can-mean-no


    It started with “consent is sexy.” But, of course, there was no point in that—it was like saying rape is just bad sex, instead of a felony. Then there was “consent is mandatory.” It was much better, reminding us that sex is consensual, and everything else is rape. But then there was me, after a party, in a man’s dorm room. And there was “is this ok?” If we are being legal about this, I said ‘yes’—no coercion, no imminent threat of violence, no inebriation (well, not a lot, anyway). But what I want to talk about is what happened before I said yes, who taught me to say yes, why I thought it was better to say yes, and why I really meant ‘no.’

    ...

    Honestly, there’s a lot more to it than that for me. At five, relatives used to kiss my cheeks even as I winced and turned away. At the tender age of twelve, I was taught that my bra straps and thighs deserved detention because they distracted boys at school. At sixteen, my boyfriend assured me that most girls liked this—I just needed to relax. So at 20, in someone’s room after a party, ‘no’ was scary and unfamiliar to me. These incidents, unfortunately, are not unique to me. In discussing this experience with friends, we coined the term “raped by rape culture” to describe what it was like to say yes, coerced by the culture that had raised us and the systems of power that worked on us, and to still want ‘no.’ Sometimes, for me, there was obligation from already having gone back to someone’s room, not wanting to ruin a good friendship, loneliness, worry that no one else would ever be interested, a fear that if I did say no, they might not stop, the influence of alcohol, and an understanding that hookups are “supposed” to be fun.


    The article goes much longer than the excerpt and is interesting reading.

    She seems to be blaming society for her lack of being able to say "No" when she means "No" - When in fact the problem seems to be her shyness or lack of self-worth.

    What do you think?



    ...


  • #2
    "As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths." Isaiah 3:12

    There is no such thing as innocence, only degrees of guilt.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Darth Executor View Post

      Comment


      • #4
        So...now...while (possibly) intoxicated, and with hormones raging, a teen or twenty something y.o. must now be a mind reader and understand that even though she said yes, she didn't mean it and if you continue then it's rape? Seriously?


        Abstinence until married looks better all the time...
        "What has the Church gained if it is popular, but there is no conviction, no repentance, no power?" - A.W. Tozer

        "... there are two parties in Washington, the stupid party and the evil party, who occasionally get together and do something both stupid and evil, and this is called bipartisanship." - Everett Dirksen

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Littlejoe View Post
          So...now...while (possibly) intoxicated, and with hormones raging, a teen or twenty something y.o. must now be a mind reader and understand that even though she said yes, she didn't mean it and if you continue then it's rape? Seriously?


          Abstinence until married looks better all the time...
          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marital_rape
          "As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths." Isaiah 3:12

          There is no such thing as innocence, only degrees of guilt.

          Comment


          • #6
            Sounds like she needs psychological help if she can't say no to sex and lacks confidence.
            If it weren't for the Resurrection of Jesus, we'd all be in DEEP TROUBLE!

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            • #7
              The progressives are fast becoming the new Puritans. Irony piles on irony when you realise they're saying that many women can't defend themselves by saying 'No' properly, so since they are weak and non-independent they need to be protected from the evil men [by other men].

              I never thought I'd see feminists arguing for patriarchy, but there it is.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Sparko View Post
                What do you think?
                A translation for those unfamiliar with progressive-speak:

                Rape used to mean unconsensual sex, that is at the point of intercourse one party, usually the female, did not want sex.

                But now rape means that the female regrets the sex after the fact, ie there is the conflation of a retrospective 'It shouldn't have happened' and the traditional 'I don't want this' [at the time of intercourse].

                Therefore, 'looking back, shacking up with that guy was a bad idea' is now equated with raaape because it is no longer one's fault; 'now I wished it didn't happened' = 'my consent then is annulled', therefore raaaape.

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                • #9
                  It's all about money you see. As well as broad brushing the whole demographic of men as being evil. They seek to expand the definition of rape not because they care about women who are actually raped but because they want more funding and more rhetoric for their side of the argument. They seek higher numbers in survey's so they can go to their contributors, both government and private investors and tug on their heart strings for sympathy.

                  Little do they realise that this all filtered through from the radical feminists who thought all heterosexually sex was rape. They wanted to completely separate women from men in absolutely everything. Essentially this means is still being pushed towards through this anti-male propaganda.
                  ďI didnít go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly donít recommend Christianity.Ē - C.S. Lewis

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Paprika View Post
                    A translation for those unfamiliar with progressive-speak:

                    Rape used to mean unconsensual sex, that is at the point of intercourse one party, usually the female, did not want sex.

                    But now rape means that the female regrets the sex after the fact, ie there is the conflation of a retrospective 'It shouldn't have happened' and the traditional 'I don't want this' [at the time of intercourse].

                    Therefore, 'looking back, shacking up with that guy was a bad idea' is now equated with raaape because it is no longer one's fault; 'now I wished it didn't happened' = 'my consent then is annulled', therefore raaaape.
                    sure seems that way. I agree with Littlejoe, the real solution is to not have sex until you are married. The engagement time will allow enough sane thinking time to decide if she really wants to have sex and live the rest of her life with that man.

                    But in today's secular culture, some feminists just like to toss the word rape around until it ends up meaning nothing. Men can't read minds. If a woman says yes, and doesn't object and even reciprocates during sex, she can't then blame culture or the man. It is her own lack of self-esteem that is the problem. Since plenty of oher women can and do say "no" and mean it, then she can't blame society for making her so compliant that she says "yes" but means no.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Sparko View Post
                      It is her own lack of self-esteem that is the problem. Since plenty of oher women can and do say "no" and mean it, then she can't blame society for making her so compliant that she says "yes" but means no.

                      I am firmly traditional in the sense that I think that some weaker members of the weaker sex genuinely need protection since they are more easily manipulated into something they later regret, and that it should be done by their fathers and brothers (instead of some college administration that is supposed to expel the rapist for raaaape.)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Christianbookworm View Post
                        Sounds like she needs a husband if she can't say no to sex and lacks confidence.
                        Fixing this attitude is paramount. Remember that Tassman is the exemplar of the current state of psychology here.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Paprika View Post

                          I am firmly traditional in the sense that I think that some weaker members of the weaker sex genuinely need protection since they are more easily manipulated into something they later regret, and that it should be done by their fathers and brothers (instead of some college administration that is supposed to expel the rapist for raaaape.)
                          And this can be on no evidence and even later proven to be a false allegation hence why the number of lawsuits against campuses that have happened.
                          ďI didnít go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly donít recommend Christianity.Ē - C.S. Lewis

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Epoetker View Post
                            Fixing this attitude is paramount. Remember that Tassman is the exemplar of the current state of psychology here.


                            Actually I quite liked that one.
                            ďI didnít go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly donít recommend Christianity.Ē - C.S. Lewis

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Darth Ovious View Post
                              And this can be on no evidence and even later proven to be a false allegation hence why the number of lawsuits against campuses that have happened.
                              Well, to be fair (and to expound on my earlier point):

                              Despite the SJW victimhood culture there are many people, both male and female, who are burnt by sexual liberalisation. And for a large proportion it's not really their fault since because all the preexisting safety rails have been destroyed; there just are no safeguards to protect these young people from their own hormones and the many dangers that have been unleashed due to sexual deregulation, especially when the zeitgeist of the past decades has been insistent that the more sex the better.

                              Comment

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