Self Esteem?

[seer]

I had an old friend over the house Saturday morning. As he had, for most of his life, launched into his "self esteem" issues. He is fairly agnostic so I had no real wisdom for him. Besides findings ones worth in God and how God views men, and what men are by nature in a Biblical world view, I couldn't think of any basis an internal sense of worth. Thoughts?

[robrecht]

How about seeing ones worth in how one is viewed in the eyes of one's family and friends?

[Cow Poke]

Somebody like that is often too self-focused. He needs to spend more time helping others. Volunteer at a hospital, read to kids at a library, do something that adds value. Change the focus from self to others.

[seer]

How about seeing ones worth in how one is viewed in the eyes of one's family and friends?

And if are not viewed favorably by friends and family? Which Norm is not - then what?

[Cow Poke]

And if are not viewed favorably by friends and family? Which Norm is not - then what?

Find out what it is you do that contributes to others -- and focus on that.

One of my Jobs for Life students - the only white male - had a bad image problem, and incredibly poor self worth. He brought brownies to class, and they were GREAT. He mentioned he enjoys baking, but that's a "girl thing".

I told him about Duff (Charm City Cakes?) who was QUITE a guy, and a world famous baker. Billy is now enrolled in a culinary school in Austin.

duff.jpg

And, who's that other baker who kinda sounds mafia?

[seer]

Find out what it is you do that contributes to others -- and focus on that.

I have been telling him that for years. Get your eyes off yourself. Some people seem to enjoy pity parties.

[Cow Poke]

I have been telling him that for years. Get your eyes off yourself. Some people seem to enjoy pity parties.

That's true, in my experience. And you can't MAKE them change. So I guess it's a matter of finding out if he WANTS to change --- maybe he IS "happy" being unhappy.

[robrecht]

And if are not viewed favorably by friends and family? Which Norm is not - then what?

Then that needs to be addressed directly. That is a major issue that should not be avoided. Is it merely his false perception that his friends and family do not view him favorably? If it is true that his family and friends do not view him favorably, are they justified in this negative view of him or do they have false perception issues? If the former, he needs to start making amends. If the latter, he needs additional support to find a more healthy way of interacting with this dysfunctional group dynamic.