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SSM Coming From a Bisexual Christian

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  • SSM Coming From a Bisexual Christian

    I thought about posting this on Facebook but I'm a bit scared to right now so I thought it might be safer to post it here....

    With all the rage over Friday's decision on SSM, I thought I would give my two cents on the issue....



    I'm a Christian, I would consider myself devout, but I have a dark secret that I guess isn't going to be a secret anymore. Only the closest people to me to know this about me. I'm a bisexual. I didn't realize this until high school. In middle school I used to be addicted to pornography and the porn I looked at was of women. When I became a Christian at 14 years old, I quit looking at pornography. I got bullied a lot and got called gay a lot, but I never thought I was actually gay because even though I got turned on by looking at female pornography, I was still very much boy crazy. I always knew homosexuality was wrong though. I would some times have lesbian dreams and that was difficult as a Christian. When I got into high school, the one I graduated from, most of the students were either bisexual, gay/lesbian, or plain old having sex, but mostly bisexual. I got exposed to the gay lifestyle quite a bit in that school. I remember when I saw some of my classmates who were girls, I thought things I didn't want to think. I had convictions as a Christian that told me not to think that way, but it was very hard since I was surrounded by students who thought that way except for when I went to youth group at church. I remember being asked to join the Straight Gay Alliance at school and I told them I couldn't because I believed it was wrong. But I attended one of their meetings just out of curiosity. They asked, "On a scale of 1-10 how gay are you? 1 being straight 10 being completely gay." At the time I rated myself a three and it shocked everyone in the room. Looking back, I was probably more of a 4.5 and the older I got, the higher the number grew. Even after I got married the number grew. Going by the same scale I'd say the highest it's ever been is between a 6.5 or a seven. It's been embarrassing. When I realized in high school that I might be bisexual, I remember asking my mom if her and my dad would disown me if I turned out to be bisexual. She told me no. I later confessed to my dad I was bisexual and he didn't believe me, he actually laughed at the notion I was bisexual because I used to be so boy crazy! He never knew or understood the inner turmoil I had, the struggle I had when I saw certain girls and I can tell you, I know exactly how guys feel when it comes to how women dress. I have to look away at times because it gets my mind thinking things I need to not think about. It's only been within the past couple months things have been getting better with my bisexuality. I would rate myself now more of a five. But it's been a tough journey. I've had to pray hard for it and still have to pray for it. There have been times I've been put in situations where I had to cry out to God for help or so help me I was going to act out and do something I was going to regret later on. Why do I share this embarrassing story of my life? First, to give some people a glimpse of what this kind of life is like, what a struggle it is. But I mostly tell you to tell you this: Just because I'm bisexual, doesn't mean I support SSM. Homosexuality is wrong and if you are a homosexual you can CHOOSE NOT to live that lifestyle. I know you might be thinking, "You don't know what it's like! You go both ways! You can still be considered straight!" I may be attracted to the opposite sex as much as I'm attracted to the same sex, but that doesn't make it any easier for me. I can still do wrong. I can cheat on my husband with the opposite or same sex and it would be just as wrong!

    Romans 1:24-32

    24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.
    26 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.
    28 And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. 29 They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31 foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.


    We are aware that Torah is not for a person who is righteous, but for those who are heedless of Torah and rebellious, ungodly and sinful, wicked and worldly, for people who kill their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral - both heterosexual and homosexual - slave dealers, liars, perjurers, and anyone who acts contrary to the sound teaching that accords with the Good News of the glorious and blessed God.

    1 Timothy 1:9-11



    I'm prepared to lose friends and family because I don't stand for SSM. I'm also prepared to get called, "You're not really bisexual because you can't change!" Maybe, maybe I won't be able to fully change what I am, that's up to God whether I fully change or not. If he decides I'm not going to struggle with being a bisexual anymore then hallelujah! That's one less sin in my life out of all the other trashy sins I do! But I'm going to stand my ground and I'm not going to give in to what society thinks "love" is. I know what love is and love died for me and rose again. Love gave me life. Love saved me from the jaws of death twice! Homosexuality? That ain't love, that's worldly lust that comes straight from the pits of hell. Are you born with it? We're all born with sin, some more prone to certain sin than others, but that's no excuse. One may be born to be more prone to murder, but you don't give that person a pass to murder. Homosexuality is the same deal. They're both immoral and unethical. So go ahead, call me whatever names you want. Flame me all you want. But I'm standing for what's righteous.

  • #2
    It took great strength and courage to post that, Toodles.

    Thank you.



    Securely anchored to the Rock amid every storm of trial, testing or tribulation.

    Comment


    • #3
      If it weren't for the Resurrection of Jesus, we'd all be in DEEP TROUBLE!

      Comment


      • #4
        We still love you, kid.
        Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

        Comment


        • #5
          We are all tempted by sin in one way or another, whether by sex, pornography, alcohol, etc. It is what we do when we are tempted that counts. And even then, if we mess up even though we know it is wrong and give in from time to time, we are still forgiven.

          Comment


          • #6
            Good for you Allie. You have been able to admit you have an extra temptation others don't.

            Just remember that the temptation is not You it is just a temptation. Don't make it more then it is.

            Comment


            • #7
              I have to agree with RTT. I struggled with s*xual type temptations that were just plain weird during adolescence and very young adulthood. However I came to understand a few things. 1) All pornography especially the playboy type is designed to tempt everyone, men and women alike. That's basically what makes it so dangerous.
              During adolescence the body undergoes odd changes and some women have more testosterone than others. (I ended up with a mild form of polycystic ovarian which blessed me with extra types of hormones, even some facial hair, and leg hair, I keep it treated by waxing I've had cysts removed recently two pregnancies, hormones, and plucking so no one knows I have anything there, but during teenage years its awkward)
              Its very normal to have odd sexualized dreams and feelings, not that the media will tell you that. Sometimes they can be a symptom of mood disorders. But again no one says or is willing to say it. Its really important to get that treated.
              A lot of our experiences in adolescence level off. However these days, the liberal media wants us to do what we feel with out restriction. I'm extremely thankful to see that there are others with self discipline to make it to adulthood out there.
              A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
              George Bernard Shaw

              Comment


              • #8
                Edited by a Moderator

                Moderator Notice

                Stay the heck out of this thread troll.

                ***If you wish to take issue with this notice DO NOT do so in this thread.***
                Contact the forum moderator or an administrator in Private Message or email instead. If you feel you must publicly complain or whine, please take it to the Psychotherapy Room unless told otherwise.

                Last edited by Sparko; 07-02-2015, 04:20 PM.
                “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.” ― Oscar Wilde
                “And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that He would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt His existence” ― Bertrand Russell
                “not all there” - you know who you are

                Comment


                • #9
                  Edited by a Moderator
                  Last edited by Sparko; 07-02-2015, 04:26 PM.
                  If it weren't for the Resurrection of Jesus, we'd all be in DEEP TROUBLE!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    While I may not agree with your ethical conclusions, there's no denying that it takes a lot of guts to share something this personal and intimate with other people-- let alone a bunch of strangers on the Internet.

                    Thanks for sharing with us.
                    "[Mathematics] is the revealer of every genuine truth, for it knows every hidden secret, and bears the key to every subtlety of letters; whoever, then, has the effrontery to pursue physics while neglecting mathematics should know from the start he will never make his entry through the portals of wisdom."
                    --Thomas Bradwardine, De Continuo (c. 1325)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I guess I should have just reported FF instead of replying. Sorry!
                      If it weren't for the Resurrection of Jesus, we'd all be in DEEP TROUBLE!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        As I just posted on Facebook.

                        There's an old saying that marriage is made in Heaven.
                        There's another one that says so is thunder and lightning.
                        It's not all a bed of roses. I'd like my single friends to experience the joys of marriage, but let's be real and realize there are trying times as well. There are times you're upset with one another or frustrated with one another or anything along those lines and those can be intense times.
                        But even in those times......
                        I am not at all going to put up with anyone insulting my Allie Licona Peters. Under no circumstances do I sit by while that happens.
                        If anyone wants to be on top of my Sheldon Cooper enemy list, just insult Allie. It's the best way to get to the top and as one of my own friends has said, I'm never as angry as I am when I see someone going after her.
                        I love my Princess even when the storms are going on and the rain is falling. That just makes the sunshine all the more special.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          toodlesdoodles,

                          You have my sympathies and compassion for what you've gone through. I can imagine it must have been very hard at times. Coming out of the closet will be a huge step for you, and I congratulate you on your honesty and courage.

                          As far as your ongoing battle to reconcile your desires with your religious beliefs goes, I encourage you to be as honest as possible with yourself, and would like to bring to your attention that there are plenty of Christians who think homosexuality is fine. The Episcopal Church in the US voted yesterday with an over 80% vote to perform same-sex marriages, for example. But it is your journey and you will have to wrestle with this for yourself and find your own way forward.

                          I would encourage you to always keep in mind the level of compassionate love that Christians are called to have. This article I came across yesterday explains well, I think, that a lot of the Christian 'love' towards LGBT people has been significantly less than loving. And your own experiences will doubtless testify that Christians have sometimes not been as sensitive toward you on the issue as they might have been. So please refrain from statements like "Homosexuality? That ain't love, that's worldly lust that comes straight from the pits of hell." which are needlessly inflammatory.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Thanks, but I don't need sympathy for sin. Sin is sin. It saddens me there are churches that are accepting homosexuality. It is clear in Scripture that homosexuality is sinful, which means it is detestable to God. God DOES NOT approve of homosexuality. Now that does not mean he does not love homosexuals. DO NOT misuse my words. God loves the homosexual, but he hates their sin. Saying homosexuality comes from the pits of hell is not inflammatory, it is a fact. It comes from Satan himself. I'm bisexual and I can tell you my sin comes from the pits of hell. Homosexuals need to realize their sins come from hell just as much. There are plenty of Scriptures that address how homosexuality is a sin.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by toodlesdoodles View Post
                              I'm a Christian, I would consider myself devout, but I have a dark secret that I guess isn't going to be a secret anymore. Only the closest people to me to know this about me. I'm a bisexual. I didn't realize this until high school. In middle school I used to be addicted to pornography and the porn I looked at was of women. When I became a Christian at 14 years old, I quit looking at pornography. I got bullied a lot and got called gay a lot, but I never thought I was actually gay because even though I got turned on by looking at female pornography, I was still very much boy crazy...I would some times have lesbian dreams and that was difficult as a Christian.
                              You actually briefly alluded to it before, although I think it may have been on the old TWeb. So technically, it already wasn't a secret. But I appreciate your openness in elaborating this.

                              When I got into high school, the one I graduated from, most of the students were either bisexual, gay/lesbian, or plain old having sex, but mostly bisexual. I got exposed to the gay lifestyle quite a bit in that school.
                              Hmm, uh...if you don't mind me asking, what high school was this? "Most" of the students were LGBT? And they were openly speaking of sexual acts they were doing, not just their orientation? I seem to recall Nick mentioning that you were living in the metro Atlanta area when he met you, and the environment you describe doesn't jive with my experiences of the area.

                              When I realized in high school that I might be bisexual, I remember asking my mom if her and my dad would disown me if I turned out to be bisexual. She told me no. I later confessed to my dad I was bisexual and he didn't believe me, he actually laughed at the notion I was bisexual because I used to be so boy crazy! He never knew or understood the inner turmoil I had, the struggle I had when I saw certain girls and I can tell you, I know exactly how guys feel when it comes to how women dress. I have to look away at times because it gets my mind thinking things I need to not think about. It's only been within the past couple months things have been getting better with my bisexuality. I would rate myself now more of a five. But it's been a tough journey. I've had to pray hard for it and still have to pray for it. There have been times I've been put in situations where I had to cry out to God for help or so help me I was going to act out and do something I was going to regret later on. Why do I share this embarrassing story of my life? First, to give some people a glimpse of what this kind of life is like, what a struggle it is.
                              I'm glad you were fortunate enough to have had parents who wouldn't disown you. The same can't be said about everyone with such urges, unfortunately. I'm also glad that you found the will/strength/Providence to carry on in the midst of such internal torment. The same can't be said about everyone with such urges in that regard either, unfortunately.

                              Romans 1:24-32

                              24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.
                              26 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.
                              28 And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. 29 They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31 foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.
                              We all occasionally exhibit some of those bad qualities in varying amounts, but would you really say you were FILLED with them? Did you have "murder" within you when the attractions to other girls flared up? Were you "a hater of God" when that happened, despite being a Christian through all that time?

                              We are aware that Torah is not for a person who is righteous, but for those who are heedless of Torah and rebellious, ungodly and sinful, wicked and worldly, for people who kill their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral - both heterosexual and homosexual - slave dealers, liars, perjurers, and anyone who acts contrary to the sound teaching that accords with the Good News of the glorious and blessed God.

                              1 Timothy 1:9-11
                              Were you ever tempted to abuse yourself with mankind when those urges emerged?

                              I'm prepared to lose friends and family because I don't stand for SSM. I'm also prepared to get called, "You're not really bisexual because you can't change!" Maybe, maybe I won't be able to fully change what I am, that's up to God whether I fully change or not. If he decides I'm not going to struggle with being a bisexual anymore then hallelujah! That's one less sin in my life out of all the other trashy sins I do! But I'm going to stand my ground and I'm not going to give in to what society thinks "love" is. I know what love is and love died for me and rose again. Love gave me life. Love saved me from the jaws of death twice! Homosexuality? That ain't love, that's worldly lust that comes straight from the pits of hell. Are you born with it? We're all born with sin, some more prone to certain sin than others, but that's no excuse. One may be born to be more prone to murder, but you don't give that person a pass to murder. Homosexuality is the same deal. They're both immoral and unethical. So go ahead, call me whatever names you want. Flame me all you want. But I'm standing for what's righteous.
                              What exactly are you saying here? That people who are homosexual are incapable of genuinely giving and experiencing love with others? That your mere feeling of attraction to women was, I don't know, "spiritually shipped" directly from hell, rather than being an inconvenience that you were simply dealt?
                              Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.--Isaiah 1:17

                              I don't think that all forms o[f] slavery are inherently immoral.--seer

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