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And this is how you do it

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  • And this is how you do it

    This week just keeps getting better:


    Originally posted by Struggling woman
    I am typing this a very tired and extremely frustrated mom of two little boys at 2:30 a.m. because I cannot sleep due to my husband and his video game addiction. I am starting to wonder if there is hope for my marriage? We have been married for 5 years and the video gaming has been a major problem. It even caused problems for me and breastfeeding both of my boys as infants because I was so exhausted and not getting any help from my husband while he hid away upstairs in our office playing this video game he has played for over 15 years of his life. He refuses to go anywhere with me and the kids as a family and prefers to stay at home if he is not working…

    He also smokes heavily and plays the stock market as if he is gambling with our money. He is in charge of all of our finances, and when I ask him about things he always has an answer, but things just don’t add up. He also doesn’t warm up to me emotionally unless he wants to me to be intimate with him and then it seems like he rewards me for it. I get extremely depressed at times because I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster and I wish he was a better role model for our little ones and present for them more instead of glued to the computer with his game or stocks or outside smoking constantly. I feel like a single mother much of the time. Any advice? He doesn’t think he has a problem and refuses counseling, I have already tried that.
    Responses were, predictably, of the MAKE AN ULTIMATUM variety:

    Originally posted by Definer of term "Man Up"
    Hi Everyone,

    Just thought I’d share a little. I’m the husband in this scenario, I happened to look at the internet history when I came home from work and nothing had been done (laundry piled up, dishes over flowing in the sink, house is a disaster) and I see my 2.5 year old unaccompanied in the pantry where we have things that he should not be in to, some even dangerous. My wife is on the computer not paying attention to anything when I come in, I figured she’s on Facebook again as so much of the day I catch her staring in to.

    I wanted to see how much of the day she had spent on it so I could confront her about her time on the computer during the day when she (in my humble opinion) should be contributing to the household. Is it wrong to think that a family has one person that stays home and watches the children should also try to keep the house in order if time permits?

    That’s when I see “Is there hope for my marriage”, which comes as a HUGE surprise to me. Reading the posts, I’ve got a few things to say.

    First, she failed to mention that 75% of my time is spent either at work were I have spent a lot of trying “climbing the ladder” to try to secure a better future for my family, on work, or studying. I just completed a Master’s Degree, full time school, while trying to stay on top of everything at work, I DO MY SHARE OF TAKING CARE OF THE CHILDREN after work when I’m home (which she seems to have failed to mention), as well as study for the EXTREMELY tough CPA exam, again to further my families financial security. In a self assessment, I personally think I manage a fairly busy schedule quite well, and although it didn’t seem that way in previous posts, balance time with my family as well as career (or at least make every effort). The SATURDAY night that she refers to, I just finished a week of studying for the CPA exam, on top of a very stressful work week, and completed a three hour exam; yes I do enjoy video games but not as an addiction. It is a pass time for me, a way to cool down and let me mind relax a little bit before I have to hit the ground running again. I don’t drink or do any drugs, I think video gaming is a fairly responsible thing to do to unwind, personally. (Please note, this was 2:30am, when the children are sleeping…)

    Just wanted to make a quick note, and maybe ask that everyone do some self reflecting. The person that mentioned that she “should play hard ball”, you about (and still might) cost us a family. The thing is, if anyone has to put up with unfair things in this marriage, it’s me. But I generally don’t complain, I don’t bother trying to change things. So long as everyone ELSE is content, comfortable, and safe, I don’t really mind. My place is to provide, and yet I constantly get stepped on. With this thread, I about had enough. The dangers of these “helpful” threads are that you don’t know all the circumstances, but still you give advice that might be taken seriously. Would you trust a doctor to diagnose you with something over an email? Everyone wants to swoop in and “help” or “save” a needy stranger, but without knowing any of the details other than what was given.

    Context is important, and in the current day that seems to be forgotten.

    Thanks for making me last 24 hours hell, and probably ruining my family.
    Go and do likewise, gentlemen posters.

  • #2
    Too many women act like men and want to be treated like men but whenever they feel like it they play this helpless victim "You shouldn't treat a lady like that" game.

    Comment


    • #3
      Both spouses are excessively defensive and self-righteous. Their problems stem more from that than from feminism as such.
      Don't call it a comeback. It's a riposte.

      Comment


      • #4
        Spartacus is right. They both are too interested in justifying themselves rather than being humble and confessing their sins.

        Comment


        • #5
          If a guy has a few minor things wrong or a few minor things with 1 or 2 major things wrong and his woman has 10 major areas wrong the guy would always be painted as the worst offender.

          Comment


          • #6
            But you are the exact reverse, putting the full blame on the women no matter how many things are wrong with the guy.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Just Some Dude View Post
              But you are the exact reverse, putting the full blame on the women no matter how many things are wrong with the guy.
              Prove this.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Just Some Dude View Post
                But you are the exact reverse, putting the full blame on the women no matter how many things are wrong with the guy.
                It's been a few weeks for you to offer proof. Nothing was given. Thus it is an assertion without proof.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by foudroyant View Post
                  It's been a few weeks for you to offer proof. Nothing was given. Thus it is an assertion without proof.
                  methinks that if you're reviving this thread just for the sake of defending yourself, the comment must have hit close to home. Thus, your demand for proof is proof in itself.

                  Ease off and lighten up.
                  Don't call it a comeback. It's a riposte.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Close to home? Yeah because the Bible warns about bearing false witness.

                    I wanted to respond right away but I gave the Dude plenty of time to gather his evidence.

                    The result: No evidence supplied.

                    Get a clue.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by foudroyant View Post
                      If a guy has a few minor things wrong or a few minor things with 1 or 2 major things wrong and his woman has 10 major areas wrong the guy would always be painted as the worst offender.
                      They both are idiots. Both are irresponsible and seem to be married only because it is more of a hassle to divorce. How about investing in a program to limit their online time to an agreed acceptable compromise amount and a checklist of things that need to be done at home... and some prayer together...
                      That's what
                      - She

                      Without a clear-cut definition of sin, morality becomes a mere argument over the best way to train animals
                      - Manya the Holy Szin (The Quintara Marathon)

                      I may not be as old as dirt, but me and dirt are starting to have an awful lot in common
                      Stephen R. Donaldson

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by foudroyant View Post
                        Prove this.
                        It's as difficult to prove as your statement is:

                        Originally posted by foudroyant View Post
                        If a guy has a few minor things wrong or a few minor things with 1 or 2 major things wrong and his woman has 10 major areas wrong the guy would always be painted as the worst offender.
                        That's what
                        - She

                        Without a clear-cut definition of sin, morality becomes a mere argument over the best way to train animals
                        - Manya the Holy Szin (The Quintara Marathon)

                        I may not be as old as dirt, but me and dirt are starting to have an awful lot in common
                        Stephen R. Donaldson

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Read what the guy went through in the OP.
                          He sacrificed a lot - incredible that you would refer to him as an "idiot" and assert that he is "irresponsible".
                          She treated him like garbage and did a terrible job in her uxorial duties.
                          My statement stands.
                          Last edited by foudroyant; 06-30-2014, 06:07 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by foudroyant View Post
                            Read what the guy went through in the OP.
                            He sacrificed a lot - incredible that you would refer to him as an "idiot" and assert that he is "irresponsible".
                            She treated him like garbage and did a terrible job in her uxorial duties.
                            My statement stands.
                            Both the wife and the husband have personal issues and failings. Your response, however, was this:

                            Originally posted by foudroyant View Post
                            Too many women act like men and want to be treated like men but whenever they feel like it they play this helpless victim "You shouldn't treat a lady like that" game.
                            You put the blame solely on the woman, thereby validating Just Some Dude's contention that "you put the full blame on the woman no matter how many things are wrong with the guy." The proof was in your first post in this thread. Case closed.
                            Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.--Isaiah 1:17

                            I don't think that all forms o[f] slavery are inherently immoral.--seer

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Who doesn't have personal issues and failings?
                              But when you compare hers to his it is a vast difference - and what makes it worse is that she was the one who originally complained.
                              Case closed? Yeah for those who can't see this simple truth.

                              Comment

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