He Sat Next To Me For Ten Years...

[seer]

I sit in the very back of the church - I call it the sinners corner. For ten years my "church friend" Kevin sat next to me. Kevin was a husband and father of two. He immigrated from Jamaica in the late 90s. Over the years Kevin and I had some great conversations - he had a sweet and gentle spirit, always had a big smile and was gracious to a fault. But he was, overall, a rather private person. I often asked him to coffee hour but he never seemed to have the time, perhaps on reflection, I should have done more to carry our relationship outside the church walls. On Tuesday morning Kevin and his wife Kelly put their children on the bus for school. When they got back in the house Kevin shot his wife three times. She managed to get outside and call 911, and I'm happy to report that she is in stable condition. Kevin then started the house on fire and killed himself. None of us saw this coming - were their signs that we just missed?

[mossrose]

How tragic, seer. Will be praying for his family, and his church family.

Many people who are suffering from depression or other issues are experts at hiding their condition from others. It is possible that only those closest to him knew that there was something wrong.

It is so sad, because help is available. My brother took his own life, and none of his siblings knew he was dealing with certain issues. Only his wife and my mother knew. And we all went through the same thought process...what did I miss, what could I have done differently, how could I have helped...

In the end, we can't ask ourselves those questions because there is no ready answer. And the questions become a mire of guilt that is certainly unproductive in our own lives. All we can do is minister to the family as best we can. And leave the rest to the Lord.

[Cow Poke]

[seer]

How tragic, seer. Will be praying for his family, and his church family.

Many people who are suffering from depression or other issues are experts at hiding their condition from others. It is possible that only those closest to him knew that there was something wrong.

It is so sad, because help is available. My brother took his own life, and none of his siblings knew he was dealing with certain issues. Only his wife and my mother knew. And we all went through the same thought process...what did I miss, what could I have done differently, how could I have helped...

In the end, we can't ask ourselves those questions because there is no ready answer. And the questions become a mire of guilt that is certainly unproductive in our own lives. All we can do is minister to the family as best we can. And leave the rest to the Lord.

Yes, my pastor call me at work yesterday morning - just trying to figure out what we missed. When I say that Kevin was a sweet spirit - I really mean it, he was the last person I would have thought could do this. A complete shock. And I'm sorry about your brother. That is close to home.

[Cow Poke]

Yes, my pastor call me at work yesterday morning - just trying to figure out what we missed. When I say that Kevin was a sweet spirit - I really mean it, he was the last person I would have thought could do this. A complete shock. And I'm sorry about your brother. That is close to home.

When you think about it, it's almost never a "yeah, we figured that would happen" situation. I think that's what makes it so hard for us. How can we intervene if we don't even know there's a problem.

[mossrose]

The tragedy is multiplied exponentially when the person decides that others must also be physically destroyed. Look at the German airliner circumstance of the other day. Why would a person decide to not only take his own life but try, as in your friend's case, or succeed, in the airliner case, to take the lives of others, too?

I don't know the answer. I doubt anybody does.

[seer]

The tragedy is multiplied exponentially when the person decides that others must also be physically destroyed. Look at the German airliner circumstance of the other day. Why would a person decide to not only take his own life but try, as in your friend's case, or succeed, in the airliner case, to take the lives of others, too?

I don't know the answer. I doubt anybody does.

What I ask is where was Kevin's faith in all of this?

[mossrose]

Yes, my pastor call me at work yesterday morning - just trying to figure out what we missed. When I say that Kevin was a sweet spirit - I really mean it, he was the last person I would have thought could do this. A complete shock. And I'm sorry about your brother. That is close to home.

Thanks. It was a long time ago, and though the answers to our questions will never be answered this side of eternity, we know that God is still in charge, and He helped me to work through so much as I learned to leave it in His very capable hands.

[mossrose]

What I ask is where was Kevin's faith in all of this?

I suffer from general anxiety. It developed a few years ago when my Mom died. My daughter is bi-polar and has suffered greatly since her pregnancy.

I delayed going to the doctor for help for months because I said to myself, "Where is my trust in the Lord? Where is my faith?" I didn't even tell my husband because I knew he would say those very things to me. But I came to realize, thankfully, that we DO have issues with our brain chemistry and hormones that can affect us, and it has nothing to do with our faith or lack thereof. And I went and got help.

I am SO thankful that I went through that, because when my daughter became ill, she DID confide in me and said the same thing, "Mom, where is my faith?" I was able to encourage her to get help, and she did.

Sometimes when our brains aren't functioning properly, our faith is not necessarily at issue.

[seer]

Sometimes when our brains aren't functioning properly, our faith is not necessarily at issue.

This is true, but I meant more about his faith when it came to killing himself and his wife - did he no longer believe in a Holy and Righteous Judge? Did he forget it was sin? I hope the fear of God never leaves my heart...

[mossrose]

This is true, but I meant more about his faith when it came to killing himself and his wife - did he no longer believe in a Holy and Righteous Judge? Did he forget it was sin? I hope the fear of God never leaves my heart...

I don't know what would have happened to me, or especially my daughter, if we didn't get help. I still believed, my daughter still believed, but I think we just don't think correctly when there is a mental illness. My daughter told me that she told the doctor she was afraid she might harm The Girl! Unthinkable now, horrifying then!

She knew, of course, that would be horribly wrong and absolutely sinful, but the thought was there. I can't understand it or explain it, but, thank God, she was able to get help!

I do not believe that suicide is an unforgivable sin. I believe it is murder, and there are consequences to murder, and again, I leave that to the Lord when a person murders himself, or others, if justice is not reached in this lifetime for a murderer. Only God knows the heart and motives, and it is not up to us to try to guess what a person might have been thinking.

[Catholicity]

I don't know what would have happened to me, or especially my daughter, if we didn't get help. I still believed, my daughter still believed, but I think we just don't think correctly when there is a mental illness. My daughter told me that she told the doctor she was afraid she might harm Kasha! Unthinkable now, horrifying then!

She knew, of course, that would be horribly wrong and absolutely sinful, but the thought was there. I can't understand it or explain it, but, thank God, she was able to get help!

I do not believe that suicide is an unforgivable sin. I believe it is murder, and there are consequences to murder, and again, I leave that to the Lord when a person murders himself, or others, if justice is not reached in this lifetime for a murderer. Only God knows the heart and motives, and it is not up to us to try to guess what a person might have been thinking.

I do think that we should and are required to take responsibility for ourselves when we are mentally ill, that is saying we need help, but, its completely correct that the brain is altered. I have disabling mental illness. Its really hard to think correctly when its acting up, and its often hard to tell and its even harder to trust someone when its acting up. I hate it. But I do more harm to myself if I don't speak up. I just wish society would be able to acknowledge the reality of the mentally ill. Its a disease. An honest disease.