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Things They Didn't Teach Me In Cemetery

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  • Things They Didn't Teach Me In Cemetery

    Sometimes I wish I could be in charge of what is taught in Cemetery. You know, the place where people go to learn how to be preachers and ministers.

    I remember the time a lady came up to me at the close of our Worship Service. (We still do an altar call on Sunday Morning, and people can come forward to kneel and pray, or talk to me, or ask to join the Church, or whatever)

    Well, this lady came forward, tears running down her cheeks, and I asked her "how can I help you?". (I DID learn that part in Cemetery)

    To my surprise, she choked back her first attempts at speaking, then burst forth with "I'm afraid of the dark".

    I don't remember ANY classes or professors teaching me how to respond to that. I was dumbfounded. Speechless. While I was trying to think of something to say, my mouth opened, and words came out --- "That really bothers you, doesn't it". (It was simply my attempt to stall, and try to think up something ministerial to say)

    Immediately, however, after I said that, her eyes opened real big, she brightened up, and she declared "YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!"

    Quite honestly, I didn't understand at all, but SHE thought I did! And it gave her hope. And it occurred to me that she was simply looking for somebody who would acknowledge that, FOR HER, it was a HUGE PROBLEM.

    By that time, I regained my senses, recognized what was happening, and offered to pray with her, giving her some wisdom about Jesus being the Light of the World. It actually made a huge difference in her life. She told me several times, subsequent to that, that it really really helped her, and she was doing much better.

    Ever since then, I have come to the point where I don't actually have to UNDERSTAND how somebody is troubled by whatever it is they are feeling --- I just have to understand that it's a REAL problem for THEM.

    I would make sure we got that across in Cemetery.
    "Neighbor, how long has it been since you’ve had a big, thick, steaming bowl of Wolf Brand Chili?”

  • #2
    Don't ya mean seminary? Cementery is where the dead are buried.
    If it weren't for the Resurrection of Jesus, we'd all be in DEEP TROUBLE!

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Christianbookworm View Post
      Don't ya mean seminary? Cementery is where the dead are buried.
      I'm pretty sure it was meant as a joke.
      βλέπομεν γὰρ ἄρτι δι᾿ ἐσόπτρου ἐν αἰνίγματι, τότε δὲ πρόσωπον πρὸς πρόσωπον·
      ἄρτι γινώσκω ἐκ μέρους, τότε δὲ ἐπιγνώσομαι καθὼς καὶ ἐπεγνώσθην.

      אָכֵ֕ן אַתָּ֖ה אֵ֣ל מִסְתַּתֵּ֑ר אֱלֹהֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל מוֹשִֽׁיעַ׃

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      • #4
        True. I would surely hope CP knows how to spell seminary!!!
        If it weren't for the Resurrection of Jesus, we'd all be in DEEP TROUBLE!

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        • #5
          Good story, Cowboy. I was once at my wits end with a poor kid in summer camp that was nothing but trouble, all the time. Finally, I said something sarcastic like, 'you poor guy, it breaks my heart'. Well he did not recognize my comment as sarcasm and he broke into sobs and he told me how bad his life was. It was really bad at home and he just needed some attention from someone who cared. I still remember his name and pray for him and hope that he's OK.
          βλέπομεν γὰρ ἄρτι δι᾿ ἐσόπτρου ἐν αἰνίγματι, τότε δὲ πρόσωπον πρὸς πρόσωπον·
          ἄρτι γινώσκω ἐκ μέρους, τότε δὲ ἐπιγνώσομαι καθὼς καὶ ἐπεγνώσθην.

          אָכֵ֕ן אַתָּ֖ה אֵ֣ל מִסְתַּתֵּ֑ר אֱלֹהֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל מוֹשִֽׁיעַ׃

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Christianbookworm View Post
            Don't ya mean seminary? Cementery is where the dead are buried.
            Yeah, and LOTS of time in Seminary, that's EXACTLY how I felt!
            "Neighbor, how long has it been since you’ve had a big, thick, steaming bowl of Wolf Brand Chili?”

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            • #7
              Originally posted by robrecht View Post
              Good story, Cowboy. I was once at my wits end with a poor kid in summer camp that was nothing but trouble, all the time. Finally, I said something sarcastic like, 'you poor guy, it breaks my heart'. Well he did not recognize my comment as sarcasm and he broke into sobs and he told me how bad his life was. It was really bad at home and he just needed some attention from someone who cared. I still remember his name and pray for him and hope that he's OK.
              That's exactly what this thread is all about, Robrecht! Thanks for sharing.
              "Neighbor, how long has it been since you’ve had a big, thick, steaming bowl of Wolf Brand Chili?”

              Comment


              • #8
                Another time, I was going to be the guest speaker at a Young Life meeting. I arrived early, to try to meet some of the kids. One of the first kids I met was the star quarterback of the High School football team. A BIG black kid -- and when I say black, I mean BLACK -- with a big white smile, and huge smiling eyes. I introduced myself, and while we were shaking hands, he told me his name.

                Still shaking hands, my mouth opened and words came out -- I said "Jackson, do you know Jesus?" His eyes smiled even more, and he said very enthusiastically, "YES sir, I do!"

                And, still shaking hands, my mouth opened again, and I blurted out "Are ya LIVING for him?".

                And, immediately, his eyes looked down at the ground, the smile disappeared, and he said quietly and with shame, "No sir, I'm not".

                It is one of my most precious "Holy Ghost moments", for Jackson already KNEW (but I didn't!) that he was messing up as a Christian, and the convicting power of the Holy Spirit was upon him. It took me a moment to realize what happened, and I asked him, "can we pray about this?"

                We knelt right there on the grass. I prayed, he prayed, he repented, I rejoiced, and we just had a great time on our knees together on the 50 yard line of the High School stadium.

                He ended up being one of our "star players" for Young Life, and began to lead other students to Jesus.

                I would teach THAT in Cemetery.
                "Neighbor, how long has it been since you’ve had a big, thick, steaming bowl of Wolf Brand Chili?”

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                • #9
                  That sort of thing has happened to me before too.

                  One time (and I have no recollection of what I said or the topic) I made some offhand remark/opinion about something while several of us were sitting at a table during bible study. Afterward this guy came up to me and told me that what I said really helped him and he seemed so grateful. I was dumbfounded.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Sparko View Post
                    That sort of thing has happened to me before too.

                    One time (and I have no recollection of what I said or the topic) I made some offhand remark/opinion about something while several of us were sitting at a table during bible study. Afterward this guy came up to me and told me that what I said really helped him and he seemed so grateful. I was dumbfounded.
                    There have been times, as I was preaching, that I thought, "wow, this is going GREAT, this is one of the best sermons I have EVER preached"... and on the way home I would ask my wife, "what did you think". She would say, very politely yet unenthusiastically, "it was ok".

                    There have been OTHER times, however, when, as I was preaching, I thought "wow, this is going nowhere, I've lost my direction and momentum, I'm forgetting stuff, I've mispronounced words, I've stuttered..... I might as well just close in prayer and dismiss everybody and never come back again".

                    On THOSE Sundays, somebody would comment, "God really spoke through this morning and touched my heart... " or something like that.

                    I'd far rather preach a lousy sermon and have God touch a heart than to preach the best sermon ever and be of no affect.
                    "Neighbor, how long has it been since you’ve had a big, thick, steaming bowl of Wolf Brand Chili?”

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Cow Poke View Post
                      Things They Didn't Teach Me In Cemetery
                      Spelling.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Paprika View Post
                        Spelling.
                        Yeah, it's a play on words... Cemetery is properly spelled, and it's where I often thought I was when I was in Seminary.

                        Originally posted by robrecht View Post
                        I'm pretty sure it was meant as a joke.
                        "Neighbor, how long has it been since you’ve had a big, thick, steaming bowl of Wolf Brand Chili?”

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Cow Poke View Post
                          Cemetery is properly spelled, and it's where I often thought I was when I was in Seminary.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Paprika View Post
                            Now THAT part is true!
                            "Neighbor, how long has it been since you’ve had a big, thick, steaming bowl of Wolf Brand Chili?”

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Cow Poke View Post
                              Now THAT part is true!
                              Yeah!

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